Today’s been odd- I woke up pretty damn depressed. I was feeling awful about the whole day & didn’t want to get out of bed. I was despairing inside doing the whole depressed thinking thing- it would be better for my boyfriend if I wasn’t here– kind-of thing. Thoughts of suicide were prominent- not in a planning way, just thinking what it would be like. I wouldn’t do it, I couldn’t do that to my boyfriend, or the dog! Anyway I was pretty bad.
This afternoon an unexpected cheque for £36 arrived in the post- how great is that!! Needless to say my whole mood perked up after this and I feel much more like myself this evening.
How can I go from suicidal thinking back to normality in the space of 10 hours???
I got really riled up by a post I read yesterday on a website. The post was called “The Real Reason Your Wife Doesn’t Want To Work” . I think the title alone got me annoyed. So maybe I went to bed wound up and woke up still tense about it?
But that’s beside the point! I just think it’s crazy how anyone’s mood can switch from serious thoughts of wanting to die back to fairly normal again within a few hours. I honestly feel fine again now, no suicidal thoughts or anything. Maybe I really am insane?! I just don’t get it!
Does anyone else find this? Is it a Rapid-Cycling Bipolar thing or is it more likely to be Borderline Personality Disorder?
Just wanted to add I found a great book in the library today: Family Experiences of Bipolar Disorder by Cara Aiken. Lots of real-life experiences from different perspectives.