Don’t Panic, Don’t Panic!!!!

Well, as discussed earlier today I am now screaming my head off to Alanis Morrisette (yes, while I’m writing, I’m a master of multi-tasking)- my angry music. Very therapeutic. After said screaming and writing, Chris will be introducing me to a film called Dark Blood (or something like that) which sooo doesn’t sound like my kind of film- zombies/blood/death- toll of 30 within the first five minutes (Chris’s pre-requisite before he will sit down and watch a film). But, you know, quality time and all that.

Anyway, tomorrow I will make my second attempt at getting to our new choir venue.

I love choir, it brightens my week. We’re working on some great songs and the others make me laugh. But last time I had a panic attack, which started when I got off the bus. I began panicking that I wouldn’t be able to find the new venue. I was really, really tired and it was really hot out. I felt I couldn’t breathe and just wasn’t gonna have the energy to get there- about 10minute walk, that’s all.

I then started worrying about my legs collapsing beneath me and that I’d just end up sitting on the pavement in a bit of a stupor. Don’t panic Rachel, DON’T PANIC!!!! It’s only a little walk, you shouldn’t be getting so worked up! It’s just fight or flight, it’s completely natural. Oh bollocks to CBT!-  Arghhhhh!!!!

My head went all spinny and I couldn’t focus. I felt like I was gonna die in the middle of the street, which would be so embarrassing, right?!

I phoned Chris- help me, help me, HELP ME!!! He calmed me down enough to talk me onto the next bus home. Bloody hell, talk about high-maintenance girlfriend!

I’m dreading the journey tomorrow. Just have to keep my mind on what’s there when I arrive. Tra-la-la-dee-dah…..

Well, off to watch zombies’ heads being blown off. Fun….


7 thoughts on “Don’t Panic, Don’t Panic!!!!

  1. projectwhitespace

    Yeah, you said it, keep your mind on what’s there when you get there!! 🙂
    Sorry that you had a panic attach the last time. And no, it wouldn’t be embarrassing to die in the middle of the sidewalk. At that point I don’t think you would care. 🙂 this made me chuckle (which I think you meant it to). Good luck getting there tomorrow.

  2. Summer Moon

    I’m so sorry you dealt with this. I know how much of a terrifying experience that can be. Back when I actually used to leave the house for more than just doctor and therapy appointments, I used to go to normal people places. So many times I would hurry through a market ’cause I suddenly felt like I was going to go crazy in front of all of these people. I felt as if I was going to start screaming at and hitting people for no reason. That would just make the panic even worse, which would in turn make me feel like I was going to pass out. Panic attacks are so awful and terrifying when you are alone. They happen when I’m with people too, but I notice I feel more at ease if I’m at an appointment with someone ’cause if I pass out, someone who cares about me will take care of me. It’s that comfort that eases the panic a bit. But it will still come when I least expect it. I know this might sound childish, but it’s just not fair! I often think, “Why does this have to happen?”

    I’m so glad that you have such an awesome boyfriend! He sounds like such a caring and understanding man, who loves you a great deal. I love that he helped you to get back home. At that point, you needed love and compassion, not a voice saying, “Get over it.”

    I hope you have a better experience tomorrow. Like you said, just keep your mind on what’s there when you arrive. That is awesome advice. 🙂

  3. Alice

    Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts! It sounds like you and your boyfriend have a very understanding relationship. It’s lovely!!
    I know how it feels like to panic when you’re going somewhere. It’s so ridiculous, but we just have to reign the panic beast on its knees.

    1. rachelmiller1511 Post author

      You’re so right, it is ridiculous! It’s even more ridiculous that we realise this but still can’t stop it! I guess it’s about catching it really early on and being super-aware. I’ll be doing lots of positive self-talk on the bus today!

      Yeah my boyfriend is brilliant, very understanding. We’re pretty great together! Just get down on one knee and give me a ring!!!! (It’s been 10 years!!!!)

      Thanks for stopping by !


  4. rachelmiller1511 Post author

    Aw thanks Summer- yeah my boyfriend is brilliant, he’s so laid back and calm. I’m very lucky, and so is he! 🙂

    It isn’t fair!!! I feel like that too! How come everyone else in the city just gets on with things and doesn’t seem remotely concerned about collapsing or going crazy?!! They’re not normal ;)!! It’s so debilitating and inconvenient and terrifying, like you say. You feel like the world’s gonna end.

    Luckily I don’t get panic attacks all the time, usually just when I’m going through a Bipolar episode, which I am at the moment. I’ve been having good experiences with the Bach Flower Remedies, but I think I might need my mix changing as they’re not working so well at the moment.

    Thanks for your support, always much appreciated.



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