Stupid, bloody DLA form!! Grrrrrr!!!!

I guess I’m only human, but I was really hoping I wouldn’t find the Disability Living Allowance form too difficult to complete (all 38 pages of it!). It’s not that it’s difficult to come up with answers, just that it brings back loads of old traumas, embarrassments, worries etc. I feel like I’m trying to convince the most skeptical, disbelieving person in the world that yes I really do have Bipolar Disorder! It’s a feeling of having to defend my case, while facing up to a scary prosecutor. Having to defend yourself with all the worst experiences of your life is gut-wrenching. It makes me feel weak and pathetic, like an inferior member of the human race.


So many uncomfortable thoughts surface:

– Am I exaggerating my case? Would my doctor disagree with this? The doctors and psychiatrists don’t even KNOW what I’m like on my worst days. They only see me for a few minutes, a few times a year. They might dispute what I’ve written.

– Or am I holding back too much and not showing them how bad things can really be for me?

– If I have to go for a medical- what if I go on a good day when I’m well? Will I get refused benefit?

– Lots of people with Bipolar Disorder can work, so why can’t you?

– Lots of people with Bipolar Disorder are way worse off than you, what makes you think you deserve benefits? They’re the ones who really need it.


Eurgh!! This form is virtually begging my inner bully to come out and play!

I don’t want to think about my very worst days where I’ve wanted to self-harm, end my life, had melt downs and panic attacks in the middle of the supermarket, raged at strangers, been sacked. All these things, I need to remind myself, do not define me but are part of Bipolar Disorder. I am not like this when well, not at all.

I definitely need a good dose of cheering up now, so will be trying to remember the things I’m grateful for for the rest of the day. 🙂 Errrrrr- NOT having to fill in forms!


Helpful Disability Living Allowance for Bipolar  Disorder Links (UK residents):

Official DWP info.

Intimate Details: Claiming Disability Living Allowance

Disability Living Allowance for Bipolar

Help with an application: useful printable document.

Some very helpful comments on this blog: Mutual Madness


15 thoughts on “Stupid, bloody DLA form!! Grrrrrr!!!!

  1. carlarenee45

    I have been through this years ago, and I had the same thoughts running through my head. What I have learned well, here in the US is that their biggest consideration is How many times have you changed jobs, the more the batter. Also how many times have you been hospitalized for mental illness. Of course more is better. The appointment with the random pdoc in nothing. But do show your akwardness and uncomfortability being with a strange pdoc. Then beyond those things, just be yourself. As far as all those tramatic events that brought you here, I know it is the hardest part, but that is one thing they need to know about. Good luck, But sweety, I don’t think you will have any problems. Have to be patient for the money to come though.

    1. rachelmiller1511 Post author

      Thanks so much. It is horrible to do. I have changed jobs millions of times! But I have never been hospitalized, only been to see psychiatrists. I know I’m not as bad as some people, which is great.

  2. prideinmadness

    38 pages……..I’ve always felt that when a form is really long that they’re trying to deter you from using the service. You should see the size of the Canadian medical marijuana form! ITS MASSIVE!!!!!!!!!!

    It’s unfortunate that you have to defend yourself and that’s actually part of the reason why I never pursued disability support.

    if you want this and need it then you fight for it!! WOOT!

    1. rachelmiller1511 Post author

      You have a medical marijuana form???!!! Could probably do with some of that 😉

      I have been very put off applying and I feel uncomfortable doing so even now. I hate focusing on having a “disability” and am wondering if being put in this state of mind is actually worth it?!

      1. prideinmadness

        One of my classmates brought the medical marijuana form in last year when she was working with the Toronto People With Aids Foundation. It was very intense to flip through!

        I understand what you mean about the disability mentality. I’ve had those thoughts also. I guess there is no harm in trying, well maybe a little harm but I feel it’s better to try for something then never known if it’s possible.

      2. rachelmiller1511 Post author

        Yeah, I’m really in two minds about it. I think either way, whether they award me anything or not, I will be able to find a positive in it. So I guess I’ve already won!

  3. Dotty Headbanger

    Dear Rachel,

    I didn’t know you could get DLA for mental stuff until I read your other posts about it. Good luck with filling it in, it took me weeks (and god knows how much panic and stress) to do the ESA form, I nearly missed the deadline.

    Love Dotty xxx

    1. rachelmiller1511 Post author

      Hi Dotty,

      These forms are a nightmare!!! I didn’t know I could apply for DLA either until I read another blogger’s post. It seems to be a well-guarded secret!

      Good luck if you decide to apply! Apparently in Canada, see above comment they have forms for medicinal use of marijuana- might have to take a trip?! 😉

      Love Rachel

  4. Sandy Sue

    I hope the process is easier there than here in the US. After getting rejected the first time, I eventually had to get a lawyer to file for me. But I did get accepted in the end. Present yourself at your worst. Don’t minimize.

    1. rachelmiller1511 Post author

      I bet that was stressful! Yeah, it can be pretty tricky here too. I filled out the form as if on my worst day, which is what I was advised to do, so hopefully I should at least get something.


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