It is only since having found my balance whilst not working that I realise how I easily I fall out of balance. Being out of balance felt like this:
– a struggle.
– huge mental and physical effort to get through the day.
– depression, anxiety, agitation or hypomanic energy.
– loss of control over emotions and life in general.
– overwhelmed and overstimulated swinging with boredom in life.
– thoughts of suicide and death in general. (ALWAYS see a doctor if this is the case).
– exhausted mentally and physically.
– pains; headaches, IBS, tense and sore muscles.
It took me a long, long time to realise that I didn’t have to feel like this anymore.
Life is not about struggle. I couldn’t continue to live struggling. There was no need.
Deep Rest and Retreat
Being at home most days may seem very boring to those who need a lot of stimulation, but it has been an immensely healing experience for me.
The first few weeks after quitting I was nervously exhausted from the stress of working in a negative environment. I slept, meditated, journalled and read, spending most of the day in bed. I had virtually no energy to do anything physically: I thought I had chronic fatigue syndrome as I felt so weak.
Not once did I turn to beating myself up about being lazy and out of work. I desperately needed this to find my feet again.
I’ve been working on myself, trying to release angers, hurts, resentments, forgiving others and myself and changing my thoughts to positive ones. It is so true that we can find our peace by going within.
Two weeks after quitting I felt much more peaceful and accepting of myself. I seemed to enter a blissful state of balance through deep rest and retreat. Slowly over the last few months my energy has returned and I feel like myself again.
I’ve been in an extremely fortunate position where my partner has been supportive of my rest time, as well as financially supporting us both. For this I am exceptionally grateful. It has been essential to accept his financial support for my own peace of mind, rather than fight against the guilt of not working. I CHOSE not to feel guilty. I have felt grateful for this time to heal.
A State of Balance
Being in balance feels like this:
– initially a huge release and surrender of guilt, shame and other burdens.
– trust in the universe to look after you, that the universe is on our side and cares about us.
– an attitude of kindness and compassion for yourself.
– appreciation of the small wonders in our lives.
– heart rather than head leading us forwards.
– self discovery and adventure internally- getting to know ourselves.
– allowing ourselves to receive goodness in all it’s forms.
– trusting that everything will turn out fine.
Surrender and Trust
It was scary to not have my own income at first as I didn’t qualify for benefits/welfare. But I needed time, rest and balance way more than disposable income.
So Chris and I worked out a mini- budget for me and he took over paying for my minimal monthly bills. We’ve cut down on going out and are more aware of our spending, but I know things will improve over time.
Trusting in the universe to provide has also allowed some rather lovely unexpected money to come my way too! I am so lucky!
I realise that taking time out like this is not an option for many due to financial commitments, but I strongly urge those who are really struggling to maintain their mental health whilst working to take time off if at all possible.
And please do yourself the biggest favour by releasing all guilt about doing this!! It is so easy to feel we are an essential component to our workplace, but they always manage without us! Those who over-rely on us also learn to take more responsibility.
Find that loving, peaceful place in your hearts that LETS you truly rest, relax and take care of yourself. Others around you will cope and loved ones are generally happy to see you in a more relaxed, healthy place emotionally- relationships have room to breathe and improve.
From the darkness to the light.
Some of us have been through extremely dark, despairing times. Maybe you’re in that place at the moment.
Know that you CAN turn things around.
You may have Bipolar like me. I will always have this condition, but I now know that balance can be achieved along with peaceful self-love. I will always have to maintain this balance throughout life. I will always have challenges to work on. But the more I’m in this state of balance, the better able I will be to work though them. They will not knock me back as hard or for so long as before.
This beautiful state of balance is a gift to give yourself. It is available to ALL, with absolutely no exception. BELIEVE IT! And believe you are truly worthy, because you are.