Last night I was at the cinema watching Breaking Dawn: Part Two. At some totally random point in the film I burst into tears and started having a proper cry. Thank fudge for the noise and the darkness or it would have been majorly embarrassing!
I don’t really know what set me off initially, but I started thinking about how I used to be- before my first major depression and the bipolar diagnosis and just ended up blubbing away. Think it was mainly when I started to think about how easily I used to be able to sit and draw for hours and be totally immersed in it. Now, this wonderful creative, flowy-feeling totally illudes me. I can’t sit down for 5 minutes without getting antsy and needing a distraction. I guess I was grieving for it a bit.
In true Bipolar form, this was a major difference to my over-excitement in the morning when I found out ex- Royal Ballet Ballerina, Darcey Bussell, is coming to Norwich to do a talk and book-signing. I’ve followed her career over the last 20 years and am so excited to be able to see her. I got a bit overwhelmed by the excitement. I did totally over-react!
I’m thinking this is a wake up call for me to find my balance again- maybe go back to basics with a schedule for meals/exercise/fresh air/leisure: get a bit of structure back in. Things have been a bit chaotic recently- more in terms of sleep, meals and too much internet!!
Would love to know:
1. If any other Bipolar readers get majorly excited about anything- so much so that it takes over you completely? I probably wont sleep the night before and after the event because I’ll be so excited. It’s uncomfortable and feels out of control- like I need to burst because there’s so much energy building up inside me. I’m like a little child at Christmas on speed! Is this a “Bipolar” thing?
2. Does anyone else struggle with something they used to be able to do, before Bipolar kicked in?
Photo Credit: Danilo Rizzuti vua freedigitalphotos.net