Old Patterns

Thank you everyone for your lovely supportive comments yesterday- I can’t believe how quickly my thinking patterns changed to old, habitual, negative ones.

Over the last year, I’ve been working really hard on changing my thoughts to more positive, nurturing ones. So far I think I’ve done really well and have been feeling better as a result.

But it didn’t take much for me to feel overwhelmed by anger and a situation I thought I couldn’t handle. It was easy to slip back into “I can’t cope, I don’t want to be here”. I don’t think it was just this though. Recently some old childhood pain has been stirred up and I think I was releasing a lot yesterday. I know I’m better off without it!!

I was very quick to judge this as failure and that I might as well give up: so all the old self-destructive thoughts quickly moved in on me again. But I guess it’s all part of the process of growing and moving past the old patterns. I may be able to keep the thoughts positive when things are going well for me, but I guess this is practice for helping me to stay positive in tougher situations. And I have come out of this quickly, much quicker than I would have done last year!!

I am learning to love the shadow side of me- not just the good stuff. It’s not easy, but I’m doing better :).

Chris was great and took me to the cinema in the evening to cheer me up. We saw Oz The Great and Powerful in 3D which I absolutely LOVED!! What with you guys all being so supportive and Chris being the lovely guy he is, I couldn’t stay in the quagmire for too long.

It did make me realise how easy it is to slip back though- but that I shouldn’t beat myself up over it either :). I’m very thankful to have come out the other side.


7 thoughts on “Old Patterns

  1. sakuraandme

    You’ve done brilliantly, Rachel. We are always going to have set backs as that’s just a part of who we are. We aren’t like everyone else and don’t have the same abilities to often rationalize things.We need to sit back and process things in between the negatives to find the postives. Our minds are just way too active. Hugs Paula xxx

    1. rachelmiller1511 Post author

      Thanks for your support Paula. You’re right our minds are just extremely active!! Standing back from the thoughts and not attaching to them is where I will aim to be!! 🙂
      Have a great day xxx

  2. mentalhealthtalk

    So wonderful to hear you have come out the other side. It’s all good Rachel… scary as the hell we all know from our darkest moments sometimes but you can always count on it changing. I am happy for you.

    1. rachelmiller1511 Post author

      Hi Trish- lovely to hear from you. I hope you are well.
      Yes, the last couple of weeks have been a little challenging, but I am also very happy to have come out the other side!! Have a good week. Rachel xx

  3. Pingback: Full Moon: Releasing Old Baggage. | Working Through Emotional Disorder

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