I’m not working at the moment due to depression. The thing is, I actually have plenty of stuff I could do right now, I’m just bogged down in that depressive lack of motivation phase and don’t feel my normal joyful enthusiasm for life.
I guess I’ve motivated myself enough to even write a little blog post, so that’s something positive!
How do you fire yourself up again, when you feel so little interest in anything?
I feel like it’s my fault that I’m bored and that I’m stupid to let myself get to this point. Then I look at what I’ve just written and think how harsh I’m being on myself. There’s some wonky thinking in there!
Okay, how do I get over this one?
My spiritual development teacher would say to be gentle with myself, accept the feelings that are coming up, notice the thoughts without judging them.
Feeling lack of motivation and interest is a symptom of depression and has naturally occurred as part of my experience.
Boredom seems to present this empty pit of nothingness and numbness inside me.
I want nothing more than to fight it off and get it away from me, but I know that’s not going to work. I know I have to sit with the feelings and be kind to myself. These feelings may be exceedingly uncomfortable to me, but it is safe to feel them.
Deep down do I believe that if I am bored, then I am boring?
Do I believe that I have failed in some terrible way by allowing myself to be bored when there are so many things to do, so many people to help in the world? That my life is worthless?
Maybe this is where the boredom has come from- believing that I am worthless therefore I can make no meaningful contribution to the world, so why bother?
I could probably go round and round in circles pulling this apart psychologically, but I don’t think it will help! So I think I’ll aim for distraction for a while.