Depression, Reiki & New Relationships

ID-10023748Tomorrow I’m going away for the weekend to complete attunements in Angelic Reiki I and II.

I’m really interested to see how the weekend unfolds, especially as depression seems to be tightening its grip.

I’m at that point where trying to change negative thoughts to positive, and look at the things I’m grateful for, is really not coming very easily. And I have to remember that it’s okay to feel this way!

My past experience with Reiki is that it brings up repressed emotions and buried trauma for healing. I think this will be a good thing though, as what I probably need more than anything is a good cry and some emotional release! It’s better than feeling numb and lifeless!

I think I’m going through an angry phase! I’ve had such a fantastic year in so many ways and one of the major blessings has been meeting my boyfriend who is fantastic!

ID-1007068I think I’m feeling so angry though because I wanted things to go according to my plan (which they haven’t):

– be financially independent by working in a stable job to prove to this person that I am capable of it and that my Bipolar symptoms have no power over me!!!!

Ha ha!!! That sounds so funny!! I really do expect a lot of myself don’t I?! Well, it’s good to laugh about it now! I can’t force myself into this little box!

God has another plan and I intend to surrender to that, because I know it’ll work out way better than mine!!

I want to accept that my boyfriend loves me for me (which I know he does). I’m not depressed all the time. It comes in episodes and he knows I have these issues from time to time, so it is a good thing that he can see how things will be with me. I can’t force myself to be someone I’m not.

I intend to remember the parts of me I love too.

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