I’ve only been up two hours on this gloomy day, but I felt my mood dip within 30 minutes of wakening.
My Lumie lamp is a blessing on such a day and really helps to keep my mood up. It’s basically a lamp emitting natural light, and is designed as therapy for those with Seasonal Affective Disorder.
I’m attempting to curb the comfort eating that I automatically resort to every day at the moment.
I feel bloated and very out of shape at the moment.
I feel all these negative thoughts building up. So I want to have a conversation with myself to see what’s up. I know I try to avoid looking at any problems I’m having.
Conversing With Myself
How are you feeling today Rachel?
Blue and bored and a bit lonely. I don’t like myself very much for all the comfort eating and lack of exercise. I have little will-power or self-discipline.
What is it about eating sugary foods that helps you?
It distracts me from negative thoughts and feelings.
They feel bad and uncomfortable. I don’t feel able to deal with them. They feel too much to cope with. I feel like a bad person if I have negative feelings and thoughts.
You are not a bad person for having low vibration thoughts and feelings. It is all part of the human experience of growth and learning. It is safe to look at these feelings and really experience them. They might not be as scary as you think.
I feel really ashamed that I can’t control my eating. I worry so much about what other people think of my body shape. I worry about my physical health. I’m so disappointed in myself.
How can you see this in a loving, compassionate way towards yourself?
I developed my eating patterns as a coping mechanism. The depressions I have experienced could have claimed my life on a few occasions. It was natural that I should find any means possible of surviving those dark times. The fact that these patterns have continued is natural if unhealthy. It is my inner child who needs the soothing. She still calls out for love and attention, but I deny her.
Why do you do this do you think?
I don’t feel worthy of expressing my creative side, that my inner child longs to experience.
Wow! I can’t believe you feel like that! Maybe you could see what it feels like to allow yourself to create?
It feels unsafe. I feel like I’ll be found out and punished.
That’s so strong!!! That’s such a strong belief!! I do feel scared to create! I’m quite shocked that I feel that way- or some part of me deep inside does. I was teased as a child, at school, because of my magical stories I wrote about unicorns and pegasus, which would get read aloud in the classroom. But it got to a point where the teacher asked me to try writing about something else next time. But it is these magical worlds that I love to express.
I feel bad when I draw now, or paint.
Why is that do you think?
It makes a mess. I need to have things cleared up or my parents get annoyed.
But it’s normal for a child to make a mess!
It was safer to keep my parent’s happy. I hated being told off. It felt so scary. It felt like they disapproved creativity and steered me towards sciences. Art wasn’t a suitable career choice.
But it is safe for you to create now! You don’t need to tell yourself off just because your parent’s didn’t allow you to be childlike!
I think this will take some working through. But I will try and do some artwork or write some stories. Starting off a little bit at a time.
Is there anything you feel thankful for today?
My Lumie light- it’s bringing some sunshine to my day.
My boyfriend, and the fact I get to spend lots of time with him at Christmas.
My new crystals.
The mind body spirit fair I went to at the weekend- I really enjoyed it.
The fact I can have a whole day to myself and not have to be anywhere or do anything (just for 1 day is nice).
All the books I have to read!
The fact I have the opportunity to improve my body condition. Some people don’t have this privilege.
I love and approve of myself just as I am.
It is safe for me to be childlike and creative.
It is safe for me to look at and experience my darker feelings.
I am worthy of improving my health.
I enjoy preparing and eating nutritious food.
I am a beautiful person, even if I don’t feel like it!
I am talented, even if I don’t always believe it.
I am worthy of using and developing my talent.