Category Archives: Meditation

Loving the Inner Child

I have been aware of the need to love the inner child for many years , through my own reading and research on how to overcome my childhood issues. It is only in the last few months that I have really noticed a difference in the way I have related to this part of myself in a more loving, nurturing way.

About a month ago, I purchased some new piano music to try after streaming the album online. I picked a few pieces and found them to be extremely difficult. I usually pride myself on spending lots of time working through difficult pieces to improve my playing, but these were so difficult as to not really provide much pleasure in even small improvements. At first I found myself exceptionally angry and frustrated.

“I should be able to play it!”

“Why can’t I play it?!”

“I must be a lot worse at piano than I thought!”

“I’m so rubbish. I’ll never be good enough.” (Notice how this then became a generalisation to my whole self!)

By this point I was really grumpy and about to let the frustration spoil my evening, so I decided to take myself off into our bedroom to meditate, to see if I could work through this.

Well, very quickly after relaxing into meditation I became aware of the barking voice of my old deputy headmistress from my primary school-

“You stupid child, why can’t you do it? Everybody else can do it, why can’t you? Are you an idiot?”

These words were never directed at me, but there were a certain few classmates who bore the brunt of the abuse over the years. She was an absolute dragon! I’d honestly forgotten about her, but during this meditation I realised my inner child hadn’t! She was still absolutely terrified of her, and had taken on the belief that she must be absolutely flawless to avoid this type of verbal attack. She was devastated for her classmates, but also just terrified by the insane rage of this woman. My inner child thought that this was normal and what was deserved. She didn’t know that this kind of verbal attack was abusive, and cruel, and that the only one in the wrong was the headmistress.

I honestly felt true compassion for my inner child in that moment. I wanted to protect her and shout back at the headmistress. I knew I was capable of being just as fierce! I wanted to pick up little Rachel, and comfort her. So in my mind I did. I told her that she was in no way deserving of this kind of bullying, that she was loved and protected, she had done absolutely nothing wrong, and the headmistress was a cruel human being who would probably lose her job now. The primary school was a very strict Catholic school and was big on the shaming approach. You will go to hell if you’re disobedient- that kind of thing. That seriously screws you up when you’re so young, sensitive, and vulnerable. There were also incidents of teachers smacking misbehaving kids over their knee in front of the whole class. I remember this clearly. We were only 4 or 5.

This might sound trivial to some people, but being such a highly sensitive individual, and so desperate to please everybody, I was extremely affected. No wonder I always want to be so bloody perfect at art and music, and life in general. The headmistress’s bullying voice became my own bullying voice, in a bid to protect myself from public shaming. If I could bully myself into the desired behaviour/performance/achievement, then I would get there before the she would- hence avoiding a verbal assault in front of my peers.

Anyway, after soothing my inner child whilst in meditation, I did start to feel much more loved, calmer, and I cared much less about the difficult piano pieces. Insanely difficult. I was expecting too much, and reminded myself of the other hard pieces I had learned, and how much I loved playing them. Loving playing is the most important part.

I was proud of myself for noticing my anger that evening, and for having the presence of mind to stop myself, and say “hey, let’s sort this out before it ruins the whole evening. What is going on here that is making me feel so angry? How am I treating myself?”

I am grateful that some higher guidance hooked me up with a very good reason why I was feeling so much fear, and that I was able to soothe my inner child. To begin to feel this kind of protectiveness for her, this love and compassion, is quite a breakthrough for me, so I am very thankful! I’m sure there will be much more work with her to come!

Taking Care of Myself

ID-10046699I’m feeling much more positive today!! Hooray!!

Since I posted on Saturday I have been meditating to ground myself. Only a few minutes every few hours. It’s worked so far!! I feel more at peace with myself, though am still working with a few things.

Eating

I’ve used food for comfort since I was a kid. A dip back into pretty bad depression over the last 6 months has led to an increase in my food antics and a fast 16 pound weight gain. My knees have definitely noticed! My BMI is nearly 39, which is not good.

I think I’m at my limit now, where I say “Right, that’s enough now. No more.” There is no more denying the effects of what I’ve been doing, and the fact that it’s making me feel worse, not better.

A cease in cooking for myself is one of the first signs for me that I’m depressed again. But there are easy meals I am sure I could manage:ID-10038600

Jacket potato & baked beans

Eggs & salad.

Even a salad sandwich and some soup.

I know I can do this. It’s just a case of re-programming my brain! Lol!

I don’t want to eat in secret, feeling so guilty and ashamed. I need to replace the buzz of shopping for binge food and guzzling it with something more loving and nurturing to myself.

Dreams

I need to remember my dreams are important, so use these as a replacement! If I want to draw, I will draw. If I want to sing, I will sing. If I want to write a silly story, I’ll write a silly story!! I will resist the urge to tell myself there is no point in doing any of this, and remind myself that theses things are important- they are part of BEING who I am. I believe that we are all expressions of God’s spirit- being who we truly are (from the highest perspective of unconditional love) is what we are here for!

I’d like to reconnect to the childlike joy I used to feel when drawing and making up little stories, and dancing and singing. Joy brings light to the world!

Slow, but healing.

It’s definitely a slow day today too. Slow thinking, slow walking.

A very interesting observation was made by the psychiatrist Dr Russell Razzaque, author of Breaking Down is Waking Up. He took up mindfulness meditation for his own personal development and whilst on a retreat noticed something curious. During mindfulness exercises the participants were aiming to slow their thinking and  their walking, to observe themselves. He connected this with what happens in depression- our thoughts and movements slow down. Could it be that our minds and bodies are actually healing us through depression? I definitely like to think so!!

So with that in mind, I will trust that I am on the right track, and to listen and act on my intuition, rather than dismissing it as airy fairy.

Related Posts

Depression and Grounding

Hypomania and Grounding

Body Image and Lena Dunham’s ‘Girls’.

A Little Bit on Eating Disorders

Bipolar Disorder: Body Image and Anxiety

Conversations With Myself: Exploring Low Mood

Forward-thinking Psychiatry

The Celestine Prophecy

This spiritual journey doesn’t half present some challenges. One minute I feel I’m doing really well, learning quickly, and then I feel I’ve taken a giant leap backwards. Most of my challenges seem to be relationship-based and I’m starting to realise are about power and control.

Luckily beautiful signposts and resources are sent our way to remind us just why we have turned towards spirituality and where we are heading. Today I watched The Celestine Prophecy- a film adaptation of the book by James Redfield. It charts the journey of a teacher through Peru on a mission to find the 9 Insights- prophecies to guide us towards the next stage in human evolution. It really was a wonderful story, full of truth and I’m feeling much lighter now! Highly recommended!!

The Celestine Prophecy Movie Website

The Celestine Insights

 

Relax with Gentle Meditation Music

One of the most effective methods I’ve found of inducing relaxation is by listening to gorgeous meditation music. The track below is one I find particularly peaceful and I find I’m deeply relaxed after 5-10 mins.

This type of music is also great for insomnia- something which I am very familiar with- and I would say 99% effective in getting me back to sleep.

There are also some very effective relaxation meditations available on You Tube, for example:

Music and Meditation are a great way to calm the racing thoughts of anxiety or hypomania! The deeply relaxed state you are guided towards is perfect for releasing tension & stress too.

Related Posts

Yoga Benefits for Mental Health

Self-Forgiveness: A Work in Progress

Self-Forgiveness Meditation

 

My New Blog!!

Hi everyone- I have a new blog!! (I’ll still be writing here too).

I’m writing for John Levine’s Alphamusic which I’m very excited about!

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I met John at a Mind, Body, Spirit Fair in Norwich (UK) and was inspired by his music, which is spiritually channelled and healing for many different conditions including depression & anxiety!!

He has also composed music for each specific chakra and for each Archangel.

My first post is Overcoming Insomnia.

Here’s a little sample of his music:

Free Meditations with the Chopra Centre’s 21-Day Meditation Challenge

It’s a little late in informing you, but the Chopra Centre are half way through their 21-Day Meditation Challenge with Oprah Winfrey. It’s not too late to join though as the majority of meditations are available for 10 days online. It’s really easy to sign up (it’s even easier if you’re on Facebook-one click only!!):

Sign-up for the Chopra Centre Meditation Challenge

The Meditation Challenge happens about 2-3 times a year and is a fantastic opportunity to access some great-quality meditations by health guru Dr. Deepak Chopra. This season the theme is creating perfect health- hey, we could all do with some of that!!

The meditations are completely free and are sent to you via email each day.

Meditation has many health benefits including lowering stress levels, boosting the immune system and lowering blood pressure. It is also practiced to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety.

I’ve been doing the meditation challenge for about 5 seasons now and each time it helps to bring me greater inner peace and to connect to who I am and what I want out of life.

It’s a great time to start meditating!

Related Posts:

Benefits of Meditation & Free Meditations via The Chopra Centre

5 Benefits of a 10-Minute Meditation Practice.

What is Mindfulness and Mindfulness Meditation?

100 Benefits of Meditation- ineedmotivation.com.

Little Me and The Angel

Yesterday I felt depressed. It had been building for a few days.

Before bed I decided to face up to the message in the sadness.

I asked my inner child, Little Me, what was wrong.

She replied that I hadn’t been listening to her needs- for fun, laughter, creativity, drawing, colours, play, adventure, and exploration.

I told her I was so sorry.

She also told me that she felt very sad about things that had happened (when I was younger) and that I was bullying, ignoring, criticizing, judging and belittling her-everytime I spoke to myself harshly. She said she felt scared and that she could never do anything right.

So I held her in my arms and told her how sorry I was and that I would be so much more loving and nurturing of her.

My guardian angel came very close then and sent delicate shivers up and down my back- she was helping me to release toxins and low energies that remained from painful experiences in my childhood. I felt so loved.

My guardian angel guided me to set up protection around myself and my inner child, and to draw the following pictures to cement the protection in my energetic field.

Before she left, she blessed me and lit up my inner child in golden light. I was guided to place Little Me in my heart and surround her with love.

This morning I woke up feeling so much more energized. Little Me was bouncing to get going.

I am so thankful to my guardian angel and to myself for taking the time to ask Little Me what was wrong and to actually listen.

Little Me with my childhood dog- Sam in the centre of the bubbles. My guardian angel behind me. The bubbles are my aura, which is gold and purple- protective colours. Protective angels surround.

Little Me with my childhood dog- Sam in the centre of the bubbles. My guardian angel behind me. The bubbles are my aura, which is gold and purple- protective colours. Protective angels surround.

Close-up of Little Me and my Guardian Angel.

Close-up of Little Me and my Guardian Angel.