Tag Archives: Creativity

Fear, and Steven Spielberg.

ID-10035460I’ve been doing way too much thinking recently- probably worrying more like! It strikes me how small my world is- I’ve let it shrink because I’ve been afraid. There are things I’ve legitimately let go of because they just didn’t work in my life, but there are also things I’ve given up on because they were scary and uncomfortable, even though I could see my world becoming more colourful and, well….bigger!

Spiritual Development Group: A Legitimate Letting Go?

For example, at the beginning of the year I began a Spiritual Development Group in my home. In total I had 3 people join. This was as I was expecting as there is not much call for these kind of groups- they’re pretty specialist. During the group sessions, I taught a bit about chakras and some of the meditation techniques, then we’d do a relaxation and practice the meditation techniques. After that we might do oracle readings for each other, or I’d teach more about Bach Flower Remedies or Crystals.

I really did enjoy the teaching part.

What I didn’t enjoy was the organisation and anxiety. I never knew who and how many people were coming, and for someone who is a little bit of a control freak, this was a little bit scary. I worried that one person might turn up and I’d have to do a one on one session for the small group price (one on one can be intense), or that they’d be two, and that wouldn’t really be enough. I’d only really be happy if there were 3-5 members there. I didn’t like people missing any teaching as I’d have to go over it next time. That was annoying. Then I worried that I wasn’t good enough, that I was a fraud. I worried that someone would attribute any poor health that came their way to my sessions, and then sue me. I worried that other people thought I was weird and that they were laughing at me behind my back.

I one of the group members challenging- her energy was very strong and I felt uncomfortable around her,

I basically worried and worried. Then that worrying blocked my connection with Spirit- I wasn’t trusting Spirit, or hearing what I needed to know for the classes. Then I worried about this! It would have gone on forever.

I cancelled the group. I was spending so much time worrying that I lost faith in myself and also questioned my enjoyment and whether or not it was the right thing for me to be doing at this time.

Did I legitimately cancel the group? I think so. It really wasn’t working for me and it didn’t feel quite right. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time. I didn’t feel a love for it.

ID-10061849Teaching Music

At around the same time, I also stepped out of my comfort zone to teach flute. A teacher who was moving away had recommended me as a suitable replacement for her to a few of her pupils.

Of course I worried about this too! I questioned my skills as a flautist, and whether I’d get on with the pupil. I’d never taught flute before! I felt more confident about my teaching skills as I think I’ve been building these up over the years. I really do enjoy teaching.

Anyway- I loved it! My pupil was wonderful too and we’ve had a successful 9 months together so far.

But I still get a bit scared! Every time we have a lesson I’ll be a bit nervous beforehand. It’s still a bit scary. But I love it, so I push through! I think the fear is of the unknown, and how the lesson will progress, or fear that I’ll somehow mess up. The unknown isn’t controllable or certain. It’s about trusting the process, trusting my skills, trusting my pupil, and trusting Spirit.

ID-1007068Spielberg.

It was Steven Spielberg who got me thinking about this today, or rather an interview with him on the documentary ‘Spielberg’.

He was talking about how he still felt anxious before he went to shoot a scene with a room full of actors and crew. He didn’t know how the shoot would go, or what problems he’d encounter and how he’d solve them.

I couldn’t believe this!! Hollywood mega-giant Steven Spielberg felt frightened initially when going on set to shoot a new scene! He’s a directing genius, a directing god!! How on earth could he possibly be frightened!! Wow!!

He went on to say that he liked this fear- it was a good fear. He said if he felt comfortable and confident about what he was shooting then he didn’t strive to go that extra distance, or put in that extra bit of energy. He tried harder. He said he produced his best work when he felt this fear, even panic! It was like he had made friends with it. He loved what he was doing so much that he pushed through. He trusted Spirit/the Universe. He trusted himself and his crew. He trusted that his fear was going to help him as, of course, it did and still does.

A Bigger World!

Steven Spielberg’s world gets bigger every time he trusts and creates. My world has gotten pretty small and I want to expand it! I want to trust and to believe and to be brave. I want to create a more magical world for myself- one where I create everyday, and bring out the world that is inside me- bring out the heaven in my mind and give it life on earth.

I am learning to trust, and I am learning to be brave.

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My Magical World

 

 

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Follow Your Heart

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Yesterday I went to a Mind, Body, Spirit Fair at a school near me. I really enjoy these events which are packed with complementary therapists offering taster treatments, such as massages, craniosacral therapy, shiatsu and reiki healing. There are psychic readers and mediums, and stalls selling crystals, books, jewellery, essential oils, incense and gifts.

 

Psychic Artist

Throughout the day workshops take place and I went to one by a wonderful psychic artist called Marilyn.

She spoke of her spiritual journey and how she’d learnt to be so much more loving and kind to herself, both physically and emotionally. She realised that when she suppressed the true desires of her heart that this frequently led to some kind of illness, like depression.

Working in jobs that did not fulfil her soul and true calling were self-destructive.

This led her to invest more time and energy in her natural sensitivity to the spirit world and to her love of colour and creativity, resulting in a fulfilling career as a psychic artist.

ID-10081670Trusting Intuition

She also demonstrated how much she trusts her intuition whilst creating a portrait of a spirit guide for a workshop participant.

Her process involves connecting with Spirit, then allowing her hand to squiggle pastel all over the paper in one colour. From this she sees forms and figures emerging, and a face taking shape.

She was given various bits of information as she completed the portrait with different colours, information about the person it was for and messages they needed to know.

The recipient of the portrait was able to accept all the information given as completely relevant  to her, and was grateful for the messages that came through.

It was a wonderful example of trust in intuition and the artist following her heart.

Intuition or Hypomania?

Following your heart is something that I really believe in, but something I also struggle with.

Due to my past experiences, and consequences of decisions I’ve made where I’ve truly believed that I was following my intuition, I don’t fully trust myself.

For example, I felt really excited when I got a job as a teaching assistant. I’d always felt called to work with children and was looking forward to feeling fulfilled in this way. I would definitely say I was hypomanic at this time and I was soon imagining the way I would completely change the entire teaching system in the country! I felt so amazingly confident in my abilities and that nothing could go wrong. This completely felt like the right thing to be doing!

ID-10072062Within a couple of months of working at the school I crashed into total exhaustion and panic attacks. I couldn’t talk to people without panicking, and had to give up the job. It took probably a year to completely recover. My confidence was completely shattered.

So, yes, I find my intuition difficult to trust, and question whether my decisions are coming from a hypomanic- type state.

Successes

I have had some success with following my heart too, and it is important to remember this.

I have followed my instinct to walk in nature, which has often led to inspiration to…

….write! I’ve followed this inner nudging which has resulted in this blog, which I see as successful.

The writing has also acted as a kind of therapy for me, helped me to get more in touch with my emotions and to help me feel that I am contributing something worthwhile to the universe.

I also joined a choir, as I love to sing! This has led to involvement with other choirs, one which I particularly love, to wonderful new friends, to participating in events all over the country, and even to my amazing boyfriend with whom I have found so much joy!

Moving Forward Into Love 

Instead of worrying so much about what I want to do with my life, sometimes it is just about surrendering to a moment where I feel “that I’d really like to walk out of the house this evening and join this choir!”

Then I can let go and let nature take its course.

I didn’t join with the intention of making wonderful friends, travelling over the country to participate in amazing events, or even meeting such a fantastic boyfriend. I joined because at that moment I wanted to sing! I remembered how much I love to sing!

I didn’t overcomplicate the matter. I moved into love.

Kestrel

Kestrel

The Rules We Make

One of my other heart’s desires is to create more artwork. However I find it very difficult to sit down and draw something. I feel very resistant to it.

So is it that I don’t really want to create art? Or do I need to create in a new way, and change my beliefs and perspective about my intention?

I think I put way too much pressure on myself, and give myself unhelpful rules!!

“I’ll allow myself to create art if it is possible to make money from it, otherwise there is no point”.

“Art isn’t a serious career”.

“Art is folly”.

“What I create must be realistic and from a photo reference”.

“I must stick to what I’m good at, which is coloured pencil art”.

I didn’t even realise I was creating such boundaries for myself. I know it is to keep myself ‘safe’. Safe from ridicule if I create something that looks ‘weird’ or people don’t understand.

“The art that I create will be more saleable if I stick to the rules and has always fostered compliments in the past. Compliments make me feel good. Criticism makes me feel bad”.

In this way I have clouded the joy and love I felt for art as a child with perfectionist views and other people’s messages to me when I was growing up.

JumpLetting Go

Letting go of that concern for other people’s opinions and of that need to control the process to avoid our fears is simple in theory, but not easy to do.

But I will try to let go of these fears and to create from my heart. I’ll look at the paper in front of me with the intention of enjoying filling it with colour and form. I will free myself from attaching to the outcome. I will trust the process.

It’ll be an experiment and I will observe what happens!

 

Related Posts

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Thought Addiction: The Ego vs The True Self

Procrastination, Perfectionism & Anxiety

My Art & Illustration

 

 

Take Back Your Power.

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It has recently been brought to my attention that I am giving away my power.

I didn’t really know what that meant until I spent some quality time with my journal this morning. Here’s what I got:

How do we give away our power?

  1. By putting other people’s needs before our own.
  2. By not honouring our true feelings.
  3. By not believing in ourselves, our strengths, gifts and talents.
  4. By procrastinating/distracting ourselves from what it is we really want to do, eg.

Too much TV/internet/chores/time with others who drain us, when our true self wants to finish a creative project, practice the piano, read, journal, bake cakes, etc. We shy away from what we really want to do because sometimes it feels uncomfortable, putting us in touch with our real feelings which may be raw and painful.

Putting our needs first may be very uncomfortable for us, bringing up feelings of guilt or shame. Perhaps we were taught as a child that “good’ people put others first. Perhaps we were ridiculed or belittled for the things we loved to do as children- or thought of as odd. We might have been told that these things weren’t important. By believing these things, we gave away our power.

We were taught wrongly!

Following our heart’s passions and desires is extremely important!

The universe wants us to be happy!

To work through any guilt or shame associated with putting our heart’s passions first in our lives, focus on the LOVE and PASSION for what it is you want to spend time doing. Open up your heart and follow where it leads you.

Forgive yourself for any blame you have placed on others and for allowing them to take away your power. Then forgive them. They only taught us what they were taught by their parents/teachers/peers.

TAKE BACK YOUR POWER! STAND IN YOUR LIGHT AND SHINE!

Wow- what synchronicity! Added to Sonia Choquette’s Facebook page one day after writing this post:

When tuning out intuition and ignoring what we feel inside, we fall out of integrity with our true Self and surrender our power over to others who have no way of bringing us peace and satisfaction. Today, tune in. Listen to your intuition. Acknowledge what is is trying to tell you. Follow its guidance back to center, starting with this next breath.
All my love.

Sonia Choquette is an inspiring spiritual/popular psychology writer. My current favourite book:

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Photo Credit: samuiblue via freedigitalphotos.net.

Project Whitespace: This Way To Inspiration & Motivation!

Bethany Jo Lee from Project Whitespace decided to accept her Inspiration Award nomination in a completely different way and created a beautiful image and quote to give to me as a thank you for the nomination. So I thought I would share the image here for you to admire! The photograph was taken by Bethany. I was so happy to receive such a thoughtful gift. Thank you Bethany!

Bethany is one of the most inspiring people ever! She is completely multi-talented, imaginative, creative, and fearless at getting involved in anything she sets her mind to. Her blog is absolutely packed with inspirational stories and motivating posts, which is what originally attracted me to her site, as I know I can often be lacking in motivation and focus!

Currently Bethany is training for a marathon!! However she still finds time to complete art projects and write great posts! She is a great example of one of those who contributes a great deal to creating a supportive blogging community. Blogging can be better than therapy!

I love the quote on the photo because my meeting Bethany has opened up a world of positivity for me. In this world I am a winner, which is the complete opposite of my normal world! That to me is a gift in itself.

So if you are in need of some positivity and motivation, go check out Project Whitespace. In fact, please go along anyway!