Tag Archives: OCD

Arrrghhhhh!! Mental Torture! Intrusive Thoughts & OCD.

My brain won’t stop talking at me!

My thoughts are just going round and round and jibber-jabbering away. I feel like there’s some kind-of convention going on in my head that I have to involuntarily chair- except all the members are like kids and wont shut-up talking at once, then they start screaming at each other and having arguments!!! Before I know it the whole thing has runaway with me and I’m totally out of control! Arrrrghhhhh!!!!! It really is excruciating mental torture!

Last night I got 4 hours broken sleep. My head aches and all my muscles are so tense. Relaxing has been near-on impossible.

Getting back to sleep last night was greatly helped by Bach Flower Remedy-White Chestnut (great for repetitive thoughts- it works surprisingly quickly) and some Lavender oil on my pillow. If not I’d have been on the sofa all night watching endless episodes of Friends and The Big Bang Theory- the only TV shows my brain can cope with at the moment.

When these kind of thoughts prey on me I find it difficult to concentrate. I can’t decide what to do first: get dressed, brush my teeth, shower, have breakfast? Then if I decide to have breakfast I spend ages deciding what to have. Then it takes conscious effort to get out a saucepan or milk. Then I get distracted because there’s junk mail sitting on the kitchen counter and I start sorting that out. Arrrrghhhh!!

My usual method of coping with these predatory thoughts is to up on out of the house and get into the city where the shops and general bustle distract me. Either that or binge eating. I’m trying to quit on both right now as neither is healthy. The city idea may not sound too bad, but it really tires me out and bus fair there and back is £4.00. Not too bad for one random day, but it’s not a good long-term solution and I get dependent on these little coping mechanisms pretty quickly.

Thought Quality

At the moment the thoughts don’t seem too dark which is a blessing in itself. They’re more just mindless chatter. But they are getting louder.

Under more stress they can turn really nastily into the realms of self-harm and death, which I definitely don’t want to happen this time.

I’m in a fortunate position not to be working at the moment. If I were the extra stress would tip me over the edge, and I’ll end up sitting at my desk, staring at a spreadsheet and trying to suppress really disturbing images and impulses. By the time I’d get home I’d be a total wreck.

“How are you today Rachel?” they’ll ask.

“Fine” I’ll reply. You really, really don’t want to know what’s going on in my head!!

Intrusive Thoughts

What I believe I’ve been experiencing are intrusive thoughts, which according to Wikipedia are:

“…unwelcome involuntary thoughts, images, or unpleasant ideas that may become obsessions, are upsetting or distressing, and can be difficult to manage or eliminate. “

They appear to be associated mainly with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) which I’m only just beginning to realise I think I may have.

(I know it’s not a good idea to self-diagnose, but I think this it is one of my compulsions and a way in which I get the constant mind chatter out of my head. I don’t recommend it though. I also think that I know myself way better than any doctor who spends about 10 minutes every few months with me. If I can get to the bottom of the issue I can look for CBT help online).

For more info please see:

Intrusive Thoughts Caused by Anxiety

Intrusive Thoughts


I always thought of OCD mainly in terms of the classic compulsions you hear about in the media, like excessive hand-washing or checking behaviours. But what I didn’t know about was Pure ‘O’, which I’ve recently discovered on the internet.

Pure ‘O’ is OCD with mainly obsessions and no visible compulsions. However it does appear that sufferers usually do have hidden compulsions like mental rituals that “cancel out” any obtrusive thoughts.

For more info here are a few links:

What is Pure O?

Various Subtypes of Pure O OCD

Bipolar and OCD 

Bipolar Disorder and OCD often seem to team up together too- estimates are between 10-35% of those with Bipolar Disorder also have OCD (About.com). For more info:

OCD and Bipolar Disorder

Blog: That Bipolar OCD Geek

Getting Through Today

Anyway, to get through today- without resorting to a city-trip or binge-eating- I’m gonna try the following:

– blogging to you lovely people (check).

– more lavender oil and White Chestnut Bach Flower Remedy.

– playing the piano and a bit of singing.

– maybe a bit of healthy cooking?

– I might look for some OCD CBT techniques online too.

– dog walk.

If anyone else has any tips I’d be only too glad to hear them!
I need to get out of my head!!!!

Related Posts on My Bipolar Life: Hypomanic Obsessions and OCD; Bipolar Disorder & Obsessive Research.

Photo Credits: freedigitalphotos.net

Hypomanic Obsessions & OCD

Yesterday I had a bit of a psychological revelation- I realised how much I’ve been obsessing about my relationship- and probably life in general!

I’ve always thought I’ve been “helping” Chris by giving “advice” but now I realise I’ve been trying to control the poor boy all along! I can’t believe I never saw it before. I thought that the more we “work” on our relationship, the more we’ll grow. But my idea of “work” has really been about control. It’s been staring me in the face really!

I try to “fix” things all the time and look at our relationship under a microscope. It’s so much pressure and stress on both of us.

Hypomania Signs?

Reckon I might have some Hypomania Prodromal Symptoms going on here:

– Increase in obsessive thoughts about our relationship- thoughts that go round and round and aren’t really productive. Lots of Mind Buzz in general.

– I’ve also been sleeping only 6-7 hours a night on and off, whereas I usually need about 9-10.

– Feeling that intense pressure to do, do DO things and just can’t relax.

– I just don’t seem to be able to let go and relax!! I can feel all the tension in my muscles. I keep getting headaches too.

– And it’s getting harder and harder to drag myself away from the computer.

I seriously need to chill out!!

I don’t even have anything stressful going on in my life at the moment- yippee!- so no obvious trigger, Though looking back, my sleeping patterns changed when the clocks went back a couple of weeks ago (I’m in UK), so I guess that could be the trigger.

So to focus on the solution I would like to:

– surrender control to spirit/source/the universe/God.
– accept when I can’t change things.
– focus my energy on the present and how I would like to be.

Vervain Bach Flower Remedy has also been recommended by my practitioner. (See here for more info on Bach Flower Remedies for Bipolar).

Link between Bipolar and OCD

I’ve never really thought of myself as having OCD as I do not have the classic compulsion symptoms like hand-washing, checking, etc. But recently I have noticed more and more that I am very obsessive in my thinking. I’m always monitoring my thoughts for any “dangerous” thoughts, like thinking someone might get run over and then worrying that because I thought it, it might happen.

Coincidently I was looking up information about the remedy Vervain which was recommended, which can be found here. It mentions the manic state and obsessive compulsive disorder together, which I thought was interesting.

I also found an interesting article on OCD and Bipolar. Apparently 15-20% of those with Bipolar also have OCD. They also talk about OCD as a separate condition to Bipolar, but that some people may not have OCD, but have OCD-type symptoms as part of their Bipolar moods.

All very interesting. Now I’m getting obsessive about research- ARGHHHHH!!


Is There Such a Thing as Bipolar OCD Disorder?– Psychology Today.

I Hate Daylight Saving Time– bphope.

Bach Flower Remedies– My Bipolar Life

Bach Calm- Vervain

Photo Credit: debspoons via freedigitalphotos.net.