I am relieved that I’m starting to feel a little better. The weather has suddenly jumped from an average of 0 degrees C, to about 9, so I’m actually looking forward to my dog walk today.
I’d been grumpy with my husband all day Saturday, which I wrote about in my last post, and feeling shame about it. But Sunday started well as we both gave each other Valentine’s cards and little gifts, so that cheered me up and we opened up about the day before. He said he’d been very stressed about a situation at work, and suddenly everything clicked into place. That was why I was avoiding being around him on Saturday! I was feeling his stress as something I couldn’t face going near. Normally I can give support over these things, but because I have been feeling depressed for a few weeks, I just didn’t have the emotional strength or energy to deal with his problems.
I felt relieved to know that was what had been the issue (the trials of the highly sensitive empath), and once we talked about his work problem, we both felt much better, which relaxed the energy between us.
Then I actually felt strong enough to ring my parents- yes, it takes strength due to childhood traumas still lingering between us. They can be fun to talk to and are certainly better now I’m an adult, so that actually cheered me up, as I think I’d been missing chatting to people. Lockdown has certainly made me feel more isolated, and I’m really not great at picking up the phone to chat to friends (I’m phone phobic!). I definitely have social anxiety but also a need for some connection and conversation.
I feel lucky that I have hugs and affection everyday. If I lived alone, I’d definitely be missing those.
So Valentine’s Day was actually really good and we ended up with gorgeous steaks for dinner, (for once I didn’t overcook them) and watched the original X Men on Disney Plus.
It’s a total cliche, but I think a hot bath helped, as well as the Bach Flower Remedy Mustard (for depression with no known cause), and the essential oil Petitgrain. Lots of little things all adding up- that’s the way to improve my mood!
I think starting to write on here again has helped too. I haven’t really been very in touch with myself over the last year or two. I had been writing in my journal sporadically, but not like I used to. This is helping me to feel more human again. I forget how talking about things can help, even if I’m talking to cyberspace! I really do appreciate people reading this- so thank you if you are here!
Bach Flower Remedies for Depression- Mustard and Gentian. (You Tube Video)