Category Archives: Mania and Hypomania

Abraham Hicks Part 2: The Emotional Guidance Scale

So today I’m finding it more of a challenge to feel positive.

Today I’m feeling the effects of the hot weather here in the UK. I’m extremely tired (probably through poor quality, broken sleep) and cranky and my energy feels low.

It is on days like this that I find my spiritual and positive intentions more difficult to achieve.

And I think that is very normal- even though I’ve spent portions of today letting my mind run with thoughts of: “why can’t I just get on with things?”, “why am I so lazy?”, “why am I so unmotivated”, “I feel so useless”.

Okay, so I really am just being very normal. I may have been brought up to believe I should always be grateful, and joyful and have a smile on my face, but this is totally unrealistic, and not a match to who I truly am.

It’s ok for me to feel fed up and frustrated with myself. It’s normal!

But I can feel better if I want to.

And that’s where my post from two days ago fits in (see Abraham Hicks on Bipolar Disorder). I strongly recommend reading this first before continuing here.

At the end of the post I asked a few questions that I intended to answer in further posts. Well, here I am considering the question:

How do we reduce all this bouncing around (emotionally) and allow ourselves to be more balanced?

To answer this a familiarity with The Emotional Guidance Scale as offered in Esther and Jerry Hicks book Ask and It Is Given.

emotionalguidancescale

As you can see, the scale lists different emotions and they are ordered as such that the emotions at the top of the scale are those that will feel good to us, and those at the bottom will feel bad.

There is a continuum implied whereby number 9: Pessimism will feel better to us emotionally than number 10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience. Number 1. Joy, will feel better to us than number 5. Optimism, which in turn will feel better than number 7. Contentment.

Of course, this is a much simplified perspective of our complex range of human emotion, and what feels good or bad to each person is going to vary.

You might argue that some people feel good when raging at other people, or harming them in some way- they get some kind of energy or kick out of it?! But this may only feel good to them in comparison with how they were feeling before- extremely guilty perhaps?

So too, I would add the emotion of shame to the bottom of the list, and peace to the top of the list. We can all tweak it in a way that speaks most accurately to ourselves.

Moving Around the Scale

So yesterday I shared the experience of mania as described by Abraham:

“If you didn’t eat for about a week and someone turned up with a pizza, we’d see mania.”

I love this!! Suddenly we have the most enthusiasm for pizza we’ve ever had in our lives.

Abraham is talking about pizza as us being in alignment to who we truly are, about being in alignment with Source energy. To us this may be being in the creative flow of writing a book or making art, or feeling a sense of peace, joy and being at one with the world, after a period of us somehow blocking this flow- perhaps due to feelings of unworthiness, lack of self-belief etc. So when we get back into this flow- wow!! It feels so good!

I know this feeling! Suddenly I feel I have purpose in my life again when I allow that stream of energy to flow. When I don’t block it with my beliefs of my own limitation. I feel free and alive and everything feels so right and the sense of euphoria can be so intoxicating!

But if we do block it again, maybe with a belief that this wonderful feeling can’t possibly last, and become scared of losing it- we then plummet into the lower energies and completely disconnect from Source energy, from who we truly are.

So, back to the question I posed earlier:

How do we reduce all this bouncing around (emotionally) and allow ourselves to be more balanced?

Well, to me the answer seems to be to eat pizza more regularly, so we don’t get hungry.

I’m serious!

If pizza represents the actions that align us with who we truly are, with Source energy, then we won’t ever be completely disconnected.

Quite often for those of us labelled with bipolar disorder, our powerful flow of energy goes against the grain of society. We may love to do unconventional things with our creativity for example, but have been criticised for this- which encourages us to stop. Stopping equals being out of alignment with who we truly are, with Source energy. It may be very challenging for us to be who we really are!!

The energy of someone with bipolar disorder I see as a wild, powerful stallion running free. To be able to ride the horse or use it purposefully, the stallion needs some kind of taming and training. The energy is directed. (This is just an analogy and I’m all for horses being wild and free, it just makes sense to me this way!)

We can manage our own energy by learning to take ourselves up the emotional guidance scale. We need to “be ourselves”, allow our creativity etc. often, regularly! We need to feed our hunger for being in alignment with source energy, so that we don’t become ravenous with hunger for it!! If we do this then we will be able to stop and rest, rather than stay up for nights on end writing or creating in any other way. We won’t become so “high”, but our positivity will remain more stable and manageable. Our energy won’t increase so intensely that we want to clean our houses all night or be so manically optimistic that we make unwise decisions with our money. Just examples of course. No doubt you’ll have your own particular manic ways!!

Therefore we are much less likely to dip so low into depression. We will come to realise that we are never truly without Source energy expressing itself through us- we are always living as our true self. There is never any loss of connection with it- which is where depression comes from.

This all makes sense to me, but if it doesn’t make sense to you please feel free to comment and I will try and explain as best I can.

I do realise that these concepts are pretty “out there” in terms of modern-day psychiatry and societal understanding. If it resonates with you- great! If it doesn’t, that’s ok- just move onto whatever does! (Just please don’t tell me. )

The Emotional Guidance Scale

So, instead of us bouncing from a 1 to a 22 on the Emotional Guidance Scale, we can use it a bit more gently and learn what feels a bit better (not a million times better).

We can learn what brings us up from a 1 to a 2, or from a 7 to a 9.

These may be simple action steps such as taking a shower, or chatting to a friend. They may be more profound and involve creating or learning in some way.

I’m definitely still learning this, but over the last 18 years of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder (and yes I am on medication and would never recommend coming off any you are taking without consulting your doctor), things have got easier.

I know I feel better when I go for a walk in the morning with my dog.

I know I feel better if I eat toast for breakfast rather than chocolate.

I know I feel better when my hair is freshly washed.

I know I feel better when I’m playing the flute.

I still have days where I’m lower down the scale, but I think I’m better at getting myself back up the scale again at a more gentle pace. So that means no spending loads of money on my credit card on beautiful things I don’t need- that puts me up to a 1, but only lasts for a short time!! Then I feel worse at the accumulation of debt, and have probably forgotten all about said beautiful things which are now crumpled up at the bottom of my wardrobe. Back down to 22 we go!

I think it’s all about us learning how to use our powerful energy in a way which feels good to us all the time. Not amazingly, overwhelmingly, euphorically good, but a more gentle, fulfilled, positive kind of good, which is way more manageable.

We need to keep asking ourselves “what feels better than this?”, even if it’s just a little bit better.

Related Posts

Abraham Hicks on Bipolar Disorder

What is Bipolar Disorder? Abraham Hicks: A Conversation.

Bipolar Disorder as Spiritual Awakening

Why Depression? (The Law of Attraction).

Resources

Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks

Abraham Hicks on You Tube

Abraham Hicks- Just to Live Your Life With Bipolar Disorder

What is Bipolar Disorder- Abraham Hicks

Bipolar Depression and Suicidal Feelings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Abraham Hicks Part 1: Bipolar Disorder

From here onwards in my blog I am going to use the term “Bipolar Disorder” only to describe behaviours that have been grouped accordingly by psychiatrists. So the term will henceforth appear in italics. I no longer believe I have Bipolar Disorder, but am a completely whole individual, 100% healthy, but who just requires a different lifestyle to maintain balance.

My beliefs have been shaped after reading the books of Esther and Jerry Hicks, such as:

The Law of Attraction

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I have written on this topic before (What is Bipolar Disorder? Abraham Hicks: A Conversation), so please forgive any repetition.

Esther Hicks “channels” a collective consciousness of higher intelligence and spiritual vibration known as Abraham.

I find the teachings of Abraham to be enlightening and greatly improve my perception of Bipolar Disorder and of myself.

I’ve been watching numerous You Tube videos of Esther channeling Abraham; one in particular caught my attention, and the following paragraphs are basically my notes on it! See the link below for the video:

This particular video contains Abraham’s definition of Bipolar Disorder:

“Powerful energy coming forth into a physical body, with strong current flowing the day you hit the ground. In other words: powerful energy flowing through you. Born into an environment of unusual control.”

This resonates so strongly with me!! Yes, I do have strong energy! Yes I was brought up in an environment of unusual control, notably with very strict, rigid parenting and schooling (an old fashioned Roman Catholic School who still used mild corporal punishment- smacking). I was not allowed to be myself!! I had so much energy to dance, draw, sing, explore, learn, and strong emotions too- but I wasn’t allowed to make a mess, or a noise, or get in the way with dancing, or get muddy, or be angry!! Like many children of course!

But when you see it from the point of view of having strong current flowing through you- well, I see it like a bouncy ball having been trapped in a box once given momentum: it would just keep bouncing from wall to wall to wall. We have all this energy, but walls are put up in every direction.

So when we can’t express this strong current, we get frustrated and angry and bounce off one wall, then if we can’t express the anger due to disapproval and punishment, we bounce over to depression. Our true self is never allowed to be expressed. Being our true self is described by Abraham as being in alignment with Divine Source energy- we are flowing with all that is right and natural.

The way in which mania fits in is described, amusingly, in the video by Abraham:

“If you didn’t eat for about a week and someone turned up with a pizza, we’d see mania.”

It makes so much sense!!

If we haven’t been able to express ourselves as we truly are, with this strong current of energy, in a way that feels natural and flowing and in alignment with Source, then we are literally starving ourselves!

So when we finally allow ourselves some creativity- it feels amazing!! We have all this enthusiasm bubbling up inside us- loads of positive energy which is in alignment with source…..so off we go, ravenous with hunger for being in alignment!!

But then when we start fearing that the wonderful feelings will not last, or we feel unworthy of the gifts we have or just scared that we’re out of control- that is enough to send us spiralling down into depression.

To feel that the experiences and strong, strong emotions and reactions I have lived with are actually completely natural is so freeing. I no longer feel that something is WRONG with me!

So how do we reduce all this bouncing around and allow ourselves to be more balanced?

What does it feel like to be connected with Source energy and be in alignment?

Why have we been labelled with the diagnosis Bipolar Disorder?

I’m going to answer these questions in further posts!!

 

Related Posts

What is Bipolar Disorder? Abraham Hicks: A Conversation.

Why Depression? (The Law of Attraction).

Bipolar Disorder as Spiritual Awakening

 

 

 

 

What is Bipolar Disorder? Abraham Hicks: a conversation.

Last night I came across an intriguing video on You Tube about Bipolar Disorder. It is a channeled message from spirit.

For those of you familiar with Esther and Jerry Hicks you will know that they channel the messages of a collective consciousness known as Abraham (I will refer to them in plural). You can read more about Abraham and Esther and Jerry Hicks here.

Esther herself calls Abraham “infinite intelligence,” and to Jerry they are “the purest form of love I’ve ever experienced.”

Should you not have 20mins to spare to watch the video, Abraham talks about “Bipolar symptoms” not Bipolar Disorder- thereby freeing us from a label.

Instead they acknowledge that it is a scale from deepest despair to utmost joy and unconditional love, and that those with the ability to feel such a broad spectrum of emotions are thus able to experience exactly what they do not want, in order to create a life full of joy. We are capable of feeling such pure joy and passion and love that others are not. In essence, by creating such beautiful emotions, we raise our vibration and therefore add this wonderful vibration to the world! A form of healing for the earth- this is our purpose. Our purpose is not that we do such and such as a career, but that we do whatever it is we love and that causes us great joy! This is not selfish at all. We are blessed with such a task as we raise the vibration of others around us.

“So many of you struggle to believe that such infinite joy is your birthright and your ultimate purpose. 

You are not to blame for your past struggles, your difficult childhoods, the traumas you have experienced. They have been planned by you before incarnation to fulfil a particular purpose in your spiritual growth. But what is so important, and this cannot be stressed enough, is that you do not hang on to these past pains. They have served their purpose, but are in the past. You are FREE beloved ones, to create the life you dream of.

Each one of you is so loved and so worthy. If you have experienced so little love and worthiness in the past, know that the time is NOW for you to open your hearts and experience the love we have for every single one of you. Allow yourself to surrender and receive this love. You are worthy. You are loved. You are safe.”

Our RIGHTNESS

Abraham talks of Bipolar as having experienced ourselves as ultimately WRONG throughout our lives from childhood.

Our true selves experienced as children are criticised, put down, belittled. We are taught that our beliefs or imaginations or passions are strange and we may be bullied by peers or parents, so that we cause little fear for them. If we are gifted (as many bestowed with the Bipolar title often are), parents may be threatened by our talents and our power.

Children have just as much power as adults, but adults like to push it down, to make themselves RIGHT, as they were also made WRONG in their own childhoods.

Children can become a tool to be used. This is so sad and such a betrayal.

Despite their own spiritual power, children are so vulnerable as they need the love and care of their parents to survive. This love and care may be denied by the parents when they feel threatened and fearful of our true selves.

Parents may even feel jealousy and contempt. They may feel bitter at having to give up their own freedom to have us, and bewildered as to why they don’t enjoy parenthood- in fact they may hate it. The seething contempt of a bitter mother can be projected onto her child and cause what feels like a soul murder. That is how I experienced the rejection of myself as a child. I felt like nothing. I felt evil and bad. I felt shamed and worthless, except when I became mother’s pet and made her feel good, or served some useful purpose.

I myself have found this a very challenging concept to understand, and learn to forgive my own parents for ( a process I am still working on).

To allow the beautiful power of our true selves back into our lives, when ultimately displaying it as a child has caused abuse and abandonment, is very scary. It is okay to be scared by this though and to go ahead with creating our joy anyway. It is uncomfortable at first, maybe even painful, maybe even excrutiating. But we know in our hearts that this is where our joy lives.

Follow that intuition to joy. Trust yourself- something we have been taught not to do.

How does being WRONG relate to Bipolar symptoms?

When we follow our creative passions- we are experiencing a high vibration of energy. We feel determined and focused on what we want. Often this driven energy is labelled as hypomania.

But as what we want and the joy that accompanies it begins to come to fruition, the pain associated with expressing our true selves freely as children may come crashing back. This is WRONG, we are being WRONG. We believe that we must suppress our joy to remain safe. Our false selves (the repressed self- the passions and creativity we stifle to make others feel better about themselves) have been labelled RIGHT by others during childhood. We have a habit of believing this. It is safe. We haven’t been so abused as this false self. Abraham observes that we would rather be RIGHT than be our magnificent true selves.

But ultimately we are in charge of what is RIGHT for us!

We need to allow ourselves to be scared and jump into our own RIGHTNESS- not that dictated to us by others.

You will know when you reach your RIGHTNESS- it will feel natural, bring you joy, fulfilment and contentment. You will fall in love with your own life again. You will wake up with a spring in your step and excited to create some more joy, because now you can see where it lies and that you are deserving and worthy.

What about Mania and Psychosis?

Bipolar symptoms are all about balance. The ends of the spectrum are so extreme that the mind can become out of control and help may be required to bring back stability.

Know that this is a journey and learning to balance the extremes is all part of a life such as this.

What is most important for people with Bipolar symptoms?

What is most important for anybody? You are all the same!

Peace. Inner peace. Unconditional love and compassion for yourself. Forgiveness and an ability to focus on joy, creating joy. Joy is life force! With life force you can create more joy- more life force! Just learn to control this in whichever way works for you- this may be a trail and error experiment.

Focus, Joy and Pleasure.

Those with Bipolar symptoms are excellent at FOCUSING- as expressed by Abraham in the video. They are very skilled at creating the joyful life force, then using it to create more and more- it is learning to ground and contain that high vibration of energy that is important in overcoming any lack of control and remembering that you are not WRONG for expressing your true self and your true joy.

Of course staying away from any chemical substances is always advised, but is particularly important for you in maintaining control.

Other past times that will lower the vibration of your experience are meaningless sex (with no love)/pornography/becoming obsessed with ANYTHING! For some this may be exercise, for other work. Learn the fine art of balance. Seeking pleasure through these experiences is different from JOY. Joy comes from the heart. Pleasure comes from the lower senses and is a satisfaction of some more primitive desire. JOY always creates! Pleasure does not.

JOY CREATES.

PLEASURE DOES NOT.

Joy will create a warmth in your heart and an inner fulfillment. It is spiritual upliftment.

Pleasure will satisfy only a physical or lower psychological desire.

Controlling the Joy

When experiencing the bliss of divine life force coursing through us in our joyful state, it is very easy to become ungrounded.

You can read more about grounding here.

Depression

Depression results when we shame ourselves for our joy at being WRONG. We shame ourselves for our joy because our parents or friends don’t have joy- therefore it is WRONG. The denial of our true selves is further abandonment- an experience so distressing to a young child that it is excruciatingly painful and traumatising. The true self experiences this soul murder all over again.

It is a trigger to re-traumatisation.

No wonder we feel so horrendous!

We are abandoning ourselves in favour of being RIGHT by other people’s standards, but also re-experiencing the abuse of our childhoods: total rejection and betrayal.

Summing up

To me, the explanation of Bipolar symptoms from Abraham was something I could most certainly relate to. I remained slightly dissatisfied as to the lack of detail gone into about the experience of psychosis and also the lack of acknowledgement of the deep suffering bipolar symptoms can cause. But I love spiritual/energetic explanations- they feel much more RIGHT (!) to me than the clinical ones, and help me to see that this is what I planned for my life and that there are positive sides to experiencing such extreme emotions too.

Related Posts

Bipolar Disorder as Spiritual Awakening

Depression & Grounding

Hypomania & Grounding

Mental Health Issue v Spiritual Crisis: Guest post by Katie Mottram

Forward-thinking Psychiatry

Resources

About Abraham Hicks

About Jerry & Esther Hicks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Not So Secret Life of the Manic Depressive

Stephen Fry has made another deeply insightful documentary about manic-depression/bipolar disorder- The Not So Secret Life of the Manic Depressive. It is currently available to watch on BBC iPlayer here. (Warning- it can be triggering).

In it he talks about his own experiences of the disorder and re-visits the lives of those he interviewed in his previous documentary- The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive- which aired 10 years ago.

I must admit I found this new documentary difficult to watch, particularly when hearing about Mr Fry’s suicide attempt in 2012. The whole incident felt very close to experiences I’ve had and I felt suppressed memories bubbling to the surface- things I didn’t really want to look at.

The first documentary has 2 parts and is available to watch here (warning- can be triggering):

 

The second part can be watched here:

 

All the documentaries are so refreshing in their courageous look at what it is really like to have Bipolar Disorder- the interviews really get to the nitty-gritty of mental illness. Stephen Fry adds so much heart and depth with his own experiences, he is so endearing and  so strong in his open-ness. I kind of love him for it!

Hypomanic Mind Chaos!

ID-10046699Anyone else feeling their brain is in total chaos at the moment?

It’s so hard to put in words how I feel at the moment. To all who interact with me regularly, I probably seem like I’m fine, maybe a bit more sociable and excitable than usual, but that there is nothing amiss.

But inside, my thoughts are racing and it’s like everything I come across in my life at present is 10 times bigger, 10 times more fun, 10 times more exciting, 10 times more fascinating, 10 times more beautiful, 10 times louder, 10 times more powerful!!! No wonder I’m so distracted!

This may sound like a lot of fun, which it can be! But I know I can switch to anger and agitation in a split second.

I just don’t feel like myself!

I can’t stop DOING! I want to do do, do! Have more, more, more! Talk LOUDER! Not stop talking! Everybody else seems so slow!!

I can’t be too hypomanic though- I’m totally aware of what’s going on. I think?!

My sleeping has been totally weird and not always what you’d expect from hypomania.  I’ve had the more standard night of 4 hours sleep, and most nights I’m still buzzing with energy at 2am, despite not having been out or doing much; but I’ve also had long, blissful sleeps- the best sleep I’ve had in ages. I haven’t wanted any of my afternoon 2 hour naps that have been standard fair for me over the last 10 years.

But I can’t quite connect with myself. Everything seems to be distracting me from what I’m really feeling, or what is really going on inside me- perhaps all the memories I’m tapping into at counselling.

Be interesting to see what happens over the next week or so!

Follow Your Heart

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Yesterday I went to a Mind, Body, Spirit Fair at a school near me. I really enjoy these events which are packed with complementary therapists offering taster treatments, such as massages, craniosacral therapy, shiatsu and reiki healing. There are psychic readers and mediums, and stalls selling crystals, books, jewellery, essential oils, incense and gifts.

 

Psychic Artist

Throughout the day workshops take place and I went to one by a wonderful psychic artist called Marilyn.

She spoke of her spiritual journey and how she’d learnt to be so much more loving and kind to herself, both physically and emotionally. She realised that when she suppressed the true desires of her heart that this frequently led to some kind of illness, like depression.

Working in jobs that did not fulfil her soul and true calling were self-destructive.

This led her to invest more time and energy in her natural sensitivity to the spirit world and to her love of colour and creativity, resulting in a fulfilling career as a psychic artist.

ID-10081670Trusting Intuition

She also demonstrated how much she trusts her intuition whilst creating a portrait of a spirit guide for a workshop participant.

Her process involves connecting with Spirit, then allowing her hand to squiggle pastel all over the paper in one colour. From this she sees forms and figures emerging, and a face taking shape.

She was given various bits of information as she completed the portrait with different colours, information about the person it was for and messages they needed to know.

The recipient of the portrait was able to accept all the information given as completely relevant  to her, and was grateful for the messages that came through.

It was a wonderful example of trust in intuition and the artist following her heart.

Intuition or Hypomania?

Following your heart is something that I really believe in, but something I also struggle with.

Due to my past experiences, and consequences of decisions I’ve made where I’ve truly believed that I was following my intuition, I don’t fully trust myself.

For example, I felt really excited when I got a job as a teaching assistant. I’d always felt called to work with children and was looking forward to feeling fulfilled in this way. I would definitely say I was hypomanic at this time and I was soon imagining the way I would completely change the entire teaching system in the country! I felt so amazingly confident in my abilities and that nothing could go wrong. This completely felt like the right thing to be doing!

ID-10072062Within a couple of months of working at the school I crashed into total exhaustion and panic attacks. I couldn’t talk to people without panicking, and had to give up the job. It took probably a year to completely recover. My confidence was completely shattered.

So, yes, I find my intuition difficult to trust, and question whether my decisions are coming from a hypomanic- type state.

Successes

I have had some success with following my heart too, and it is important to remember this.

I have followed my instinct to walk in nature, which has often led to inspiration to…

….write! I’ve followed this inner nudging which has resulted in this blog, which I see as successful.

The writing has also acted as a kind of therapy for me, helped me to get more in touch with my emotions and to help me feel that I am contributing something worthwhile to the universe.

I also joined a choir, as I love to sing! This has led to involvement with other choirs, one which I particularly love, to wonderful new friends, to participating in events all over the country, and even to my amazing boyfriend with whom I have found so much joy!

Moving Forward Into Love 

Instead of worrying so much about what I want to do with my life, sometimes it is just about surrendering to a moment where I feel “that I’d really like to walk out of the house this evening and join this choir!”

Then I can let go and let nature take its course.

I didn’t join with the intention of making wonderful friends, travelling over the country to participate in amazing events, or even meeting such a fantastic boyfriend. I joined because at that moment I wanted to sing! I remembered how much I love to sing!

I didn’t overcomplicate the matter. I moved into love.

Kestrel

Kestrel

The Rules We Make

One of my other heart’s desires is to create more artwork. However I find it very difficult to sit down and draw something. I feel very resistant to it.

So is it that I don’t really want to create art? Or do I need to create in a new way, and change my beliefs and perspective about my intention?

I think I put way too much pressure on myself, and give myself unhelpful rules!!

“I’ll allow myself to create art if it is possible to make money from it, otherwise there is no point”.

“Art isn’t a serious career”.

“Art is folly”.

“What I create must be realistic and from a photo reference”.

“I must stick to what I’m good at, which is coloured pencil art”.

I didn’t even realise I was creating such boundaries for myself. I know it is to keep myself ‘safe’. Safe from ridicule if I create something that looks ‘weird’ or people don’t understand.

“The art that I create will be more saleable if I stick to the rules and has always fostered compliments in the past. Compliments make me feel good. Criticism makes me feel bad”.

In this way I have clouded the joy and love I felt for art as a child with perfectionist views and other people’s messages to me when I was growing up.

JumpLetting Go

Letting go of that concern for other people’s opinions and of that need to control the process to avoid our fears is simple in theory, but not easy to do.

But I will try to let go of these fears and to create from my heart. I’ll look at the paper in front of me with the intention of enjoying filling it with colour and form. I will free myself from attaching to the outcome. I will trust the process.

It’ll be an experiment and I will observe what happens!

 

Related Posts

Bipolar Disorder: Trusting Your Emotions

Left-Right Brain Balance

Thought Addiction: The Ego vs The True Self

Procrastination, Perfectionism & Anxiety

My Art & Illustration

 

 

Overwhelmed!

Overwhelm seems to be happening a lot at the moment.

I can cope with one thing in a day, eg. work, but not 2 or more. Try adding on choir, cooking, seeing friends etc and my anxiety levels shoot up. Being productive with any other activity other than work is just not happening- I can’t concentrate, get easily distracted and restless.

Overwhelm seems to happen when exciting things are happening too. I recently went away to Edinburgh to sing in a choir I’m part of. Most of the members I hadn’t seen for a few months and we were all really excited to see each other again- well, I was excited anyway!!! Couple this with singing awesome music and trips out to shows and tourist attractions and soon I wasn’t coping. Too much excitement!!! I had three panic attacks that week. I hadn’t had one previously for a good few months. I was overly emotional.

I didn’t take this limitation very graciously, and was very angry and frustrated with myself for not being able to join in everything I wanted to. I could try, but panic attacks had already resulted from doing too much.

Accepting limitations is something I’m still working on! Remembering it’s not my fault is important, but also to evaluate whether I’m putting too much pressure on myself or judging myself harshly.

Affirmations that I’m finding helpful from Louise Hay’s companion book to You Can Heal Your Life are:

I have the power, strength and knowledge to handle everything in my life.

I relax into the flow of life and let Life provide all that I need asily and comfortably.

I am enough just as I am.

Louise Hay