Category Archives: Mania and Hypomania

What is Bipolar Disorder? Abraham Hicks: a conversation.

Last night I came across an intriguing video on You Tube about Bipolar Disorder. It is a channeled message from spirit.

For those of you familiar with Esther and Jerry Hicks you will know that they channel the messages of a collective consciousness known as Abraham (I will refer to them in plural). You can read more about Abraham and Esther and Jerry Hicks here.

Esther herself calls Abraham “infinite intelligence,” and to Jerry they are “the purest form of love I’ve ever experienced.”

Should you not have 20mins to spare to watch the video, Abraham talks about “Bipolar symptoms” not Bipolar Disorder- thereby freeing us from a label.

Instead they acknowledge that it is a scale from deepest despair to utmost joy and unconditional love, and that those with the ability to feel such a broad spectrum of emotions are thus able to experience exactly what they do not want, in order to create a life full of joy. We are capable of feeling such pure joy and passion and love that others are not. In essence, by creating such beautiful emotions, we raise our vibration and therefore add this wonderful vibration to the world! A form of healing for the earth- this is our purpose. Our purpose is not that we do such and such as a career, but that we do whatever it is we love and that causes us great joy! This is not selfish at all. We are blessed with such a task as we raise the vibration of others around us.

“So many of you struggle to believe that such infinite joy is your birthright and your ultimate purpose. 

You are not to blame for your past struggles, your difficult childhoods, the traumas you have experienced. They have been planned by you before incarnation to fulfil a particular purpose in your spiritual growth. But what is so important, and this cannot be stressed enough, is that you do not hang on to these past pains. They have served their purpose, but are in the past. You are FREE beloved ones, to create the life you dream of.

Each one of you is so loved and so worthy. If you have experienced so little love and worthiness in the past, know that the time is NOW for you to open your hearts and experience the love we have for every single one of you. Allow yourself to surrender and receive this love. You are worthy. You are loved. You are safe.”

Our RIGHTNESS

Abraham talks of Bipolar as having experienced ourselves as ultimately WRONG throughout our lives from childhood.

Our true selves experienced as children are criticised, put down, belittled. We are taught that our beliefs or imaginations or passions are strange and we may be bullied by peers or parents, so that we cause little fear for them. If we are gifted (as many bestowed with the Bipolar title often are), parents may be threatened by our talents and our power.

Children have just as much power as adults, but adults like to push it down, to make themselves RIGHT, as they were also made WRONG in their own childhoods.

Children can become a tool to be used. This is so sad and such a betrayal.

Despite their own spiritual power, children are so vulnerable as they need the love and care of their parents to survive. This love and care may be denied by the parents when they feel threatened and fearful of our true selves.

Parents may even feel jealousy and contempt. They may feel bitter at having to give up their own freedom to have us, and bewildered as to why they don’t enjoy parenthood- in fact they may hate it. The seething contempt of a bitter mother can be projected onto her child and cause what feels like a soul murder. That is how I experienced the rejection of myself as a child. I felt like nothing. I felt evil and bad. I felt shamed and worthless, except when I became mother’s pet and made her feel good, or served some useful purpose.

I myself have found this a very challenging concept to understand, and learn to forgive my own parents for ( a process I am still working on).

To allow the beautiful power of our true selves back into our lives, when ultimately displaying it as a child has caused abuse and abandonment, is very scary. It is okay to be scared by this though and to go ahead with creating our joy anyway. It is uncomfortable at first, maybe even painful, maybe even excrutiating. But we know in our hearts that this is where our joy lives.

Follow that intuition to joy. Trust yourself- something we have been taught not to do.

How does being WRONG relate to Bipolar symptoms?

When we follow our creative passions- we are experiencing a high vibration of energy. We feel determined and focused on what we want. Often this driven energy is labelled as hypomania.

But as what we want and the joy that accompanies it begins to come to fruition, the pain associated with expressing our true selves freely as children may come crashing back. This is WRONG, we are being WRONG. We believe that we must suppress our joy to remain safe. Our false selves (the repressed self- the passions and creativity we stifle to make others feel better about themselves) have been labelled RIGHT by others during childhood. We have a habit of believing this. It is safe. We haven’t been so abused as this false self. Abraham observes that we would rather be RIGHT than be our magnificent true selves.

But ultimately we are in charge of what is RIGHT for us!

We need to allow ourselves to be scared and jump into our own RIGHTNESS- not that dictated to us by others.

You will know when you reach your RIGHTNESS- it will feel natural, bring you joy, fulfilment and contentment. You will fall in love with your own life again. You will wake up with a spring in your step and excited to create some more joy, because now you can see where it lies and that you are deserving and worthy.

What about Mania and Psychosis?

Bipolar symptoms are all about balance. The ends of the spectrum are so extreme that the mind can become out of control and help may be required to bring back stability.

Know that this is a journey and learning to balance the extremes is all part of a life such as this.

What is most important for people with Bipolar symptoms?

What is most important for anybody? You are all the same!

Peace. Inner peace. Unconditional love and compassion for yourself. Forgiveness and an ability to focus on joy, creating joy. Joy is life force! With life force you can create more joy- more life force! Just learn to control this in whichever way works for you- this may be a trail and error experiment.

Focus, Joy and Pleasure.

Those with Bipolar symptoms are excellent at FOCUSING- as expressed by Abraham in the video. They are very skilled at creating the joyful life force, then using it to create more and more- it is learning to ground and contain that high vibration of energy that is important in overcoming any lack of control and remembering that you are not WRONG for expressing your true self and your true joy.

Of course staying away from any chemical substances is always advised, but is particularly important for you in maintaining control.

Other past times that will lower the vibration of your experience are meaningless sex (with no love)/pornography/becoming obsessed with ANYTHING! For some this may be exercise, for other work. Learn the fine art of balance. Seeking pleasure through these experiences is different from JOY. Joy comes from the heart. Pleasure comes from the lower senses and is a satisfaction of some more primitive desire. JOY always creates! Pleasure does not.

JOY CREATES.

PLEASURE DOES NOT.

Joy will create a warmth in your heart and an inner fulfillment. It is spiritual upliftment.

Pleasure will satisfy only a physical or lower psychological desire.

Controlling the Joy

When experiencing the bliss of divine life force coursing through us in our joyful state, it is very easy to become ungrounded.

You can read more about grounding here.

Depression

Depression results when we shame ourselves for our joy at being WRONG. We shame ourselves for our joy because our parents or friends don’t have joy- therefore it is WRONG. The denial of our true selves is further abandonment- an experience so distressing to a young child that it is excruciatingly painful and traumatising. The true self experiences this soul murder all over again.

It is a trigger to re-traumatisation.

No wonder we feel so horrendous!

We are abandoning ourselves in favour of being RIGHT by other people’s standards, but also re-experiencing the abuse of our childhoods: total rejection and betrayal.

Summing up

To me, the explanation of Bipolar symptoms from Abraham was something I could most certainly relate to. I remained slightly dissatisfied as to the lack of detail gone into about the experience of psychosis and also the lack of acknowledgement of the deep suffering bipolar symptoms can cause. But I love spiritual/energetic explanations- they feel much more RIGHT (!) to me than the clinical ones, and help me to see that this is what I planned for my life and that there are positive sides to experiencing such extreme emotions too.

Related Posts

Bipolar Disorder as Spiritual Awakening

Depression & Grounding

Hypomania & Grounding

Mental Health Issue v Spiritual Crisis: Guest post by Katie Mottram

Forward-thinking Psychiatry

Resources

About Abraham Hicks

About Jerry & Esther Hicks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Not So Secret Life of the Manic Depressive

Stephen Fry has made another deeply insightful documentary about manic-depression/bipolar disorder- The Not So Secret Life of the Manic Depressive. It is currently available to watch on BBC iPlayer here. (Warning- it can be triggering).

In it he talks about his own experiences of the disorder and re-visits the lives of those he interviewed in his previous documentary- The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive- which aired 10 years ago.

I must admit I found this new documentary difficult to watch, particularly when hearing about Mr Fry’s suicide attempt in 2012. The whole incident felt very close to experiences I’ve had and I felt suppressed memories bubbling to the surface- things I didn’t really want to look at.

The first documentary has 2 parts and is available to watch here (warning- can be triggering):

 

The second part can be watched here:

 

All the documentaries are so refreshing in their courageous look at what it is really like to have Bipolar Disorder- the interviews really get to the nitty-gritty of mental illness. Stephen Fry adds so much heart and depth with his own experiences, he is so endearing and  so strong in his open-ness. I kind of love him for it!

Hypomanic Mind Chaos!

ID-10046699Anyone else feeling their brain is in total chaos at the moment?

It’s so hard to put in words how I feel at the moment. To all who interact with me regularly, I probably seem like I’m fine, maybe a bit more sociable and excitable than usual, but that there is nothing amiss.

But inside, my thoughts are racing and it’s like everything I come across in my life at present is 10 times bigger, 10 times more fun, 10 times more exciting, 10 times more fascinating, 10 times more beautiful, 10 times louder, 10 times more powerful!!! No wonder I’m so distracted!

This may sound like a lot of fun, which it can be! But I know I can switch to anger and agitation in a split second.

I just don’t feel like myself!

I can’t stop DOING! I want to do do, do! Have more, more, more! Talk LOUDER! Not stop talking! Everybody else seems so slow!!

I can’t be too hypomanic though- I’m totally aware of what’s going on. I think?!

My sleeping has been totally weird and not always what you’d expect from hypomania.  I’ve had the more standard night of 4 hours sleep, and most nights I’m still buzzing with energy at 2am, despite not having been out or doing much; but I’ve also had long, blissful sleeps- the best sleep I’ve had in ages. I haven’t wanted any of my afternoon 2 hour naps that have been standard fair for me over the last 10 years.

But I can’t quite connect with myself. Everything seems to be distracting me from what I’m really feeling, or what is really going on inside me- perhaps all the memories I’m tapping into at counselling.

Be interesting to see what happens over the next week or so!

Follow Your Heart

ID-10077229

Yesterday I went to a Mind, Body, Spirit Fair at a school near me. I really enjoy these events which are packed with complementary therapists offering taster treatments, such as massages, craniosacral therapy, shiatsu and reiki healing. There are psychic readers and mediums, and stalls selling crystals, books, jewellery, essential oils, incense and gifts.

 

Psychic Artist

Throughout the day workshops take place and I went to one by a wonderful psychic artist called Marilyn.

She spoke of her spiritual journey and how she’d learnt to be so much more loving and kind to herself, both physically and emotionally. She realised that when she suppressed the true desires of her heart that this frequently led to some kind of illness, like depression.

Working in jobs that did not fulfil her soul and true calling were self-destructive.

This led her to invest more time and energy in her natural sensitivity to the spirit world and to her love of colour and creativity, resulting in a fulfilling career as a psychic artist.

ID-10081670Trusting Intuition

She also demonstrated how much she trusts her intuition whilst creating a portrait of a spirit guide for a workshop participant.

Her process involves connecting with Spirit, then allowing her hand to squiggle pastel all over the paper in one colour. From this she sees forms and figures emerging, and a face taking shape.

She was given various bits of information as she completed the portrait with different colours, information about the person it was for and messages they needed to know.

The recipient of the portrait was able to accept all the information given as completely relevant  to her, and was grateful for the messages that came through.

It was a wonderful example of trust in intuition and the artist following her heart.

Intuition or Hypomania?

Following your heart is something that I really believe in, but something I also struggle with.

Due to my past experiences, and consequences of decisions I’ve made where I’ve truly believed that I was following my intuition, I don’t fully trust myself.

For example, I felt really excited when I got a job as a teaching assistant. I’d always felt called to work with children and was looking forward to feeling fulfilled in this way. I would definitely say I was hypomanic at this time and I was soon imagining the way I would completely change the entire teaching system in the country! I felt so amazingly confident in my abilities and that nothing could go wrong. This completely felt like the right thing to be doing!

ID-10072062Within a couple of months of working at the school I crashed into total exhaustion and panic attacks. I couldn’t talk to people without panicking, and had to give up the job. It took probably a year to completely recover. My confidence was completely shattered.

So, yes, I find my intuition difficult to trust, and question whether my decisions are coming from a hypomanic- type state.

Successes

I have had some success with following my heart too, and it is important to remember this.

I have followed my instinct to walk in nature, which has often led to inspiration to…

….write! I’ve followed this inner nudging which has resulted in this blog, which I see as successful.

The writing has also acted as a kind of therapy for me, helped me to get more in touch with my emotions and to help me feel that I am contributing something worthwhile to the universe.

I also joined a choir, as I love to sing! This has led to involvement with other choirs, one which I particularly love, to wonderful new friends, to participating in events all over the country, and even to my amazing boyfriend with whom I have found so much joy!

Moving Forward Into Love 

Instead of worrying so much about what I want to do with my life, sometimes it is just about surrendering to a moment where I feel “that I’d really like to walk out of the house this evening and join this choir!”

Then I can let go and let nature take its course.

I didn’t join with the intention of making wonderful friends, travelling over the country to participate in amazing events, or even meeting such a fantastic boyfriend. I joined because at that moment I wanted to sing! I remembered how much I love to sing!

I didn’t overcomplicate the matter. I moved into love.

Kestrel

Kestrel

The Rules We Make

One of my other heart’s desires is to create more artwork. However I find it very difficult to sit down and draw something. I feel very resistant to it.

So is it that I don’t really want to create art? Or do I need to create in a new way, and change my beliefs and perspective about my intention?

I think I put way too much pressure on myself, and give myself unhelpful rules!!

“I’ll allow myself to create art if it is possible to make money from it, otherwise there is no point”.

“Art isn’t a serious career”.

“Art is folly”.

“What I create must be realistic and from a photo reference”.

“I must stick to what I’m good at, which is coloured pencil art”.

I didn’t even realise I was creating such boundaries for myself. I know it is to keep myself ‘safe’. Safe from ridicule if I create something that looks ‘weird’ or people don’t understand.

“The art that I create will be more saleable if I stick to the rules and has always fostered compliments in the past. Compliments make me feel good. Criticism makes me feel bad”.

In this way I have clouded the joy and love I felt for art as a child with perfectionist views and other people’s messages to me when I was growing up.

JumpLetting Go

Letting go of that concern for other people’s opinions and of that need to control the process to avoid our fears is simple in theory, but not easy to do.

But I will try to let go of these fears and to create from my heart. I’ll look at the paper in front of me with the intention of enjoying filling it with colour and form. I will free myself from attaching to the outcome. I will trust the process.

It’ll be an experiment and I will observe what happens!

 

Related Posts

Bipolar Disorder: Trusting Your Emotions

Left-Right Brain Balance

Thought Addiction: The Ego vs The True Self

Procrastination, Perfectionism & Anxiety

My Art & Illustration

 

 

Overwhelmed!

Overwhelm seems to be happening a lot at the moment.

I can cope with one thing in a day, eg. work, but not 2 or more. Try adding on choir, cooking, seeing friends etc and my anxiety levels shoot up. Being productive with any other activity other than work is just not happening- I can’t concentrate, get easily distracted and restless.

Overwhelm seems to happen when exciting things are happening too. I recently went away to Edinburgh to sing in a choir I’m part of. Most of the members I hadn’t seen for a few months and we were all really excited to see each other again- well, I was excited anyway!!! Couple this with singing awesome music and trips out to shows and tourist attractions and soon I wasn’t coping. Too much excitement!!! I had three panic attacks that week. I hadn’t had one previously for a good few months. I was overly emotional.

I didn’t take this limitation very graciously, and was very angry and frustrated with myself for not being able to join in everything I wanted to. I could try, but panic attacks had already resulted from doing too much.

Accepting limitations is something I’m still working on! Remembering it’s not my fault is important, but also to evaluate whether I’m putting too much pressure on myself or judging myself harshly.

Affirmations that I’m finding helpful from Louise Hay’s companion book to You Can Heal Your Life are:

I have the power, strength and knowledge to handle everything in my life.

I relax into the flow of life and let Life provide all that I need asily and comfortably.

I am enough just as I am.

Louise Hay

 

Newly Diagnosed Bipolar: You’ve Got This!

Healthline have just launched a video campaign for bipolar disorder called “You’ve Got This” where bipolar patients can record a short video to give hope and inspiration to those recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

You can visit the homepage and check out videos from the campaign here: http://www.healthline.com/health/bipolar-disorder/youve-got-this

Healthline will be donating $10 for every submitted campaign to To Write Love On Her Arms, so the more exposure the campaign gets the more the videos we’ll receive and the more Healthline can donate to research, support, and treatment programs for mental health disorders.

Below is a beautiful video posted by Julie about her experiences with Bipolar Disorder:

Related Posts

To Write Love On Her Arms

Resources

Healthline

To Write Love On Her Arms

 

A Racing Mind

ID-10097641Today my thoughts are galloping through my head at top speed, possibly due to a reduction in the medication I’m on. The doctor has reduced my Venlafaxine prescription from 300mg per day to 225mg per day, which I’m very happy about!

The withdrawal effects are pretty hefty though- I feel like I’m on Speed (or what I imagine being on Speed to feel like!), my brain is racing, I have so many ideas I can barely keep track of them, and I feel restless and agitated. There are a few digestive issues added on for good measure too! (I also forgot to take my morning dose yesterday and ended up passed out on the bed for a few hours!!)

This all feels like very familiar hypomanic ground and so I’m reminded of the need to respond appropriately in a self-caring manner, in order to prevent impulsive actions and decisions which in the past have gotten me in trouble!

My intuition is screaming “No more caffeine!!!” and am I taking a blind bit of notice?! No-ooooo! I will try harder today!  Lots of water, much less Diet Coke! Meditation will definitely be on the schedule, as well as listening to calming music and taking Bach Flower Remedies Impatiens, Vervain and White Chestnut. Clematis, Chestnut Bud and Scleranthus might be useful too. Turn off Facebook too!

I also thought it would be helpful to revisit some old posts to help me regain my balance:

Relax with Gentle Meditation Music (guaranteed to calm me in seconds!)

Calming Tips (related to Christmas, but still relevant)

Previous posts on Hypomania.

 

 Useful Resources

Your Brain is Like a Nuclear Reactor: Avoid Meltdowns. Keep It Cool.