Sounds a really depressing title doesn’t it? Well that’s because it’s gonna be a depressing post! That’s your official warning over.
Slipped back into serious depression over the last week. Had a bad panic attack on Thursday afternoon when I managed to lock myself out of the house.
Thoughts currently going through head:
– You’ll never ever be good enough.
– God’s fed up with giving you second chances, he’s given up on you.
– You’ll never complete your life purpose, you can’t even do the easy things in life.
– I hate you, I don’t want to be with you anymore.
Think these thoughts were increased after going to a relative’s house. A 30 year old lady is staying with them. She’s attractive, slim, rich and a solicitor. She had a huge silver Lexus parked on the driveway.
I’ll never make it like that. How can people have a career and be successful in this way? I feel so jealous and hate myself for giving up my teaching degree. I could have been something. Why do I have to have this effing Bipolar crap? I hate it so much. I hate being this. I’m a jealous, angry, bitter, hopeless, pointless mess of a person. I should just die.
But right now I’m gonna try and take my own advice from my last post on Self-Acceptance. I’m going to remember that there are different kinds of success. I’m going to see this hateful, bullying side of my personality, see the fear that is it’s driving force…and send it love.
Gonna need all the luck in the world, coz right now I’m feeling anything but loving.
But I’m trying…..
A blog post by the brilliant Dr Wayne Dyer:
“If you shield the mountain from the wind storms, you never see the beauty of the carvings.”
On Death and Dying author Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
(Image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev/freedigitalphotos.net)
(Top image courtesy of Now and Zen Photography/freedigitalphotos.net)