Binge Eating- Counselling

11206469_10153078075981943_8308496157568323825_oI’ve recently started to accept the full extent of my binge eating and the fact that no amount of dieting is going to help me overcome the psychological basis for it. So I started counselling yesterday at a specialist eating disorders organisation. You don’t have to have an official diagnosis- which is handy as I don’t have one- though I’ve always seen it as binge eating disorder, as I don’t purge, or use laxatives, which would qualify as bulimia.

My counsellor is lovely and helped me to calm down as I was feeling panicky!

I chatted mainly about my experiences in childhood and as a teenager. There is a lot of rubbish stuff that needs to come out of me. I always wondered whether talking about abusive experiences would ever really help me, but now that I am ready to talk about them I feel that I would be somehow ridding my body of the toxicity of the emotion and energy attached. I feel a need to rid myself of this toxicity and this feels like the right way to do it.

I know Slimming World and Weight Watchers can’t help me with my psychological issues. I use food to soothe the pain of the past. I abuse my body as I have learnt that bingeing does temporarily soothe that pain.

But I also realised recently just how much time, money and energy I put into my binges. I worry about where and when I’m going to get my next binge stash. I worry about finding the privacy to binge, of being found out, of hiding food packaging from my housemates. I always wrap the packaging up in black bin-liners and take it straight outside to the main bin. I’m anxious about being caught amidst the shame of my lack of self control. The anxiety and effort of it all are exhausting!!! Lol!

Happy me- singing!

Happy me- singing!

But, do you know what? I really am starting to believe that I can overcome this. It is going to be about working on loving and taking care of myself. I really am starting to believe I deserve to have a great life and be happy! Food can’t take the pain away, or re-write an abusive past, but the more I love and care for myself, the less I will feel this pain. It will take patience as I think this is going to be an ongoing project, but I am loved and supported and for that I am truly thankful.

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3 thoughts on “Binge Eating- Counselling

  1. Sandy Sue

    This is synchronisity. I was just “officially” diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder even though, like you, I’ve know it forever. There’s a medication my med provider would like me to try, but i’m really leery about doing drugs. I’m still thinking about it. Like you, nothing has helped. Sometimes I can modify the impulse–get baked chips instead of fried, that sort of thing. Mindfulness only goes so far before I have no control at all. Along with bipolar disorder, it runs my life, which I hate. Please keep writing about this.

    Reply
    1. rachelmiller1511 Post author

      I asked my counsellor if people with eating disorders tend to have similar emotional issues and family backgrounds, and she said yes, without a doubt. I thought that was very interesting. I hope you get whatever help you need the most. I’m with you on the medication, I’d be reluctant. The food issues run my life too, and I don’t want them to anymore. Thanks for your comment Sandy Sue.

      Reply
  2. Pingback: Counselling: my wellbeing as priority. | Emotional Wellness

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